On Conspiracy Theories.

Reh-roh!! That's me greeting you like Scooby Doo would if he was on my blog today. I thought it was only appropriate, because today I'm going to talk about dogs. 

NO! Don't run away yet. There's a story behind this random blog topic. And I know, I know... I need to stop posting twice in the same day. 

So. The other day, I was talking to my mom on Skype, and she was telling me a story about these little rascals. 

My parents' backyard is fenced in, so naturally they let the dogs out back to run and play. One day (I think it was sometime last week), however, my mom heard Milo (he's the bigger dog) whining and barking. She went outside to find Milo next to a huge hole whining. Sparky (the smaller dog) was nowhere to be found. 

Apparently this was not the first time that this has happened, and that is what has prompted me to talk about a very serious topic: 

Doggy Conspiracy Theories. 

I promise you, dogs can talk to each other. I mean, really. I am absolutely convinced that Sparky somehow coerces Milo into digging holes for him so that he can escape the backyard. Now, I'm not sure what he promises Milo in return, but it's gotta be something good, because Milo digs the stupid hole for him time and time again, even though Sparky always leaves him behind and goes off on his own adventures. Maybe he promises Milo more treats, maybe he lets him eat more dog food, maybe he lets him play with his favorite tennis ball. I honestly don't know, but dude is a little doggy manipulator. Just look at him! 

look how guilty he is- just plotting away... 

Anyway. If dogs like Sparky can plan their escape from backyard prison, what else can they plan? What else are they planning while we're not looking? I don't think dogs are as evil as cats, though. Which brings me to another even more important topic: 

Cat Conspiracy Theories.

I don't really have any stories about my cat plotting our demise (except for mentioning the 5938472937 times he escaped our apartment, or the time he shredded an entire package of paper towels, or how he knows how to pee in the litter box but somehow always manages to stick his butt over the edge so I have to wipe his poop off the floor [thank goodness for hooded litter boxes], or how he turns on our radio at 4:00 in the morning, or how he won't drink water unless it's fresh, or how he always jumps in the shower, or how he opens bags of cheetos). 

He just wants you to think he's innocent...

I've never been a cat person (until Hubby came home and gave me our little bundle of joy one night), but our cat has opposable thumbs, so he's obviously superior. Anyway, I'm pretty sure cats are evil creatures who are planning to take over the world someday. Since my cat thinks he's a dog (he drinks out of the toilet and everything), he won't be part of this plot. Anyone ever seen this picture, though? It's true. Watch your backs, people, because your pets (cats specifically) are out to get you. 

Hubby and I have noticed we like cat humor. We're freaks, I know. 


Lauren Talon said...

We also like cat humour. It's a little sad but we're embracing it. I love the last one about sprinting out of the room at light speed. Happens all the time! :)

B said...

I enjoy a good cat joke as well. I don't laugh at many things on the internez, but cat/dog meme will have me in tears in a heartbeat.

And if you think you're weird, I'll tell you a secret. When I look at a meme, I hear a voice inside my head saying the phrase.

For example. If the meme is "invisible snow shovel" with a cat jumping, then I hear that phrase in my head with a silly voice.

That's sad. :-/

Anna said...

'checking your internal organs for weaknesses' is my favorite part. :D I had one cat growing up but I've never owned a dog. yet.
Mo wants a welsh corgi and he want to name him Walter.
I wouldn't be opposed to this.

Ayuni said...

funny! I like that cat conspiracy theories!

Gentri said...

hahaha! So funny. :) I definitely think dogs talk to eachother. haha!

Unknown said...

Hilarious! I always love your posts :)

stephanie said...

haha love this and your blog! i hate cats lol

Kylee Noelle {the blog} said...

bahaha this was so great! I'm such a conspiracy theorist :)

Unknown said...

My cats must want to kill me! Haha!

Casey said...

Oh man... I just love this! I really can't say more.

Alana Christine said...

I hate cats....they are all evil! lol

Bree said...

This is great :)

Michelle said...

Hahaha oh my I love this!

his little lady said...

oh goodness, his little guilty face is just too cute! great story girl!
oh, and love the new layout!
xo TJ

Niken said...

after reading this, i'm so glad i'm not a cat person.haha.

god! you always know how to make my day...

Grateful4Crochet said...

that made me laugh a lot!!

erin e flynn said...

hahaha I've always had cats, and man are they clever and sometimes evil! I've had cats that can open drawers and doors, get into the food, etc. My cat used to sit on the counter and when you would stand near him he would grab your hand with his paw and put it on top of his head so you would pet him! lol

Anonymous said...

This is hilarious!!!! I'm pretty positive that cat cartoon is true, too. We don't have cats, but my neighbor's cat wanders over here pretty frequently. This weekend my husband and I were watching a movie late at night. I feel *something* watching me and turn to look out the window. And there's the cat!!! Just staring at me!!!! *Insert slasher film music here...* I was seriously freaked! This is exactly why I'm a dog person.

Unknown said...

I stumbled across your blog and just have to say, reading it made my day. I'm seriously at work trying to keep my laughter in check. So, thank you. :)

Kylie said...

OH that's pretty funny. I'm a dog person, myself, and I totally agree that they talk to each other. Although, my dogs weren't as mysterious as yours I think. They were just loud.

Keri said...

Sooo stinkin' funny!!!

Sara Louise said...

I'm pretty sure dogs talk to each other too, and I may have actually wrote a post once about my dog being a super secret assassin.
The cat bit is hysterical, I can totally see it :)

Natasha Louise Taylor said...

This post made my chuckle! We have a cat, but I so want a dog, I think your right, cats are out to kill us! hahaha

Alex, Speaking Denglish said...

I <3 your pups. I've never been a cat person. In fact, I think it'd take a straight up amenesia rebound for me to start liking them. BUT, I do admit I enjoy weird cat YouTube videos like this one:

And I seriously love everything from the Oatmeal

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