Monday, November 24, 2014

Tonight I Cried

Tonight... I cried.

I sat in Elsie's room, I held her, and I cried.
I cried because she's no longer a little baby.
I cried because we're leaving the house that I brought her home to.
I cried because my days with just her are numbered.
I cried because she won't always let me hold her this way.
I cried because I'm scared.

I'm scared that I won't love my little boy as much as I love my little girl.
I'm scared because we're leaving home.
I'm scared of what the future holds.
I'm scared because I worry.

I worry that my kids will grow up and grow apart.
I worry that things won't be okay.
I worry that I won't be the mom my kids need.
I worry about what the world is becoming.
I worry because I'm human.

photo by Cleo Creative Photography and Design

Friday, August 22, 2014

Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes!

Hey guys! 

Long time, no blog. I've been at a standstill with blogging lately because, well, I have felt like I have absolutely nothing to blog about. As much as I love Elsie, I don't want this blog to just be about her. I'm not super crafty, so that's out. I don't like cooking. I don't get the chance to travel as much as I used to. My life centers around a number of things.
1. God - I have no intentions of blogging about religion. It's something that is very near and dear to my heart, and I'd like to keep it that way.
2. My family - while they are my whole life and posts may still occasionally focus on them, I don't want this blog to be all about us.
3. Photography - I have a blog just for my photography, so I'll keep that out of here, unless it's a simple tutorial or something.
4. Health & Fitness - when I'm not taking care of any of the previously mentioned things, I'm probably exercising or working on my Beachbody Business.
As many of you know, I'm pregnant with our second child & due in March. I really let myself go when I was pregnant with Elsie, and I DON'T want to do that again. So... I'm changing the focus of this blog. It's still going to be a lifestyle blog with a little bit of everything, but my primary focus will be on health and fitness. For now, I'm going to schedule out the time to blog once a week. If I can make it more often than that, great! If not... oh, well.

I miss you guys and this community, I really do. But blogging is not a priority right now. I've got a lot going on, and I've had to change my priorities around. Anyway, I'll be seeing you more often. Love you guys, and thanks for sticking around!

Thursday, May 29, 2014

Of Course I'm Late.

Elsie turned one on Saturday!

I didn't want to do a big party or presents, so we just kept it small with only family and a few small gifts. Of course I had to do photos, so I'll just let those speak for themselves and give a little update at the end.
Stats: 18lbs 9oz, 30.75" tall

Dear Elsie,

Holy cow, I can't believe you're one already! The past year has just flown by. Since the last time I've written, there's not a whole lot that's different. You've got quite the vocabulary - it never ceases to amaze us.

You love dogs - I think it's safe to say they're your favorite animal, and I think I almost have your dad sold - you'll get your "doddy" soon enough.

You're crawling everywhere and into EVERYTHING! You want to walk so badly, but you're too afraid of falling (which is hilarious, by the way). You hate your veggies unless mom's eating them, then you want ALL THE FOOD!

I don't really have a whole lot to say - it's been so much fun for me to stay home with you for the past month. It has really just made me that much more confident in my decision to stay at home with you permanently, and I will do everything in my power to make sure that we have the means for me to do so. I love you more than anything, sweet monster baby!

Love,
Mommy

Friday, April 25, 2014

Swimsuit Season

... it's coming, you guys.

And I, for one, am excited!!! No, I haven't been taking crazy pills. Or doing drugs. And I didn't hit my head really hard. Nope - I've been working my butt off. Do you guys remember these results?
Well, a small chunk of that was from 30 Day Shred, but a major part of that was from T25. I got really, really bored with Jillian Michaels and her 30  Day Shred workouts, so I decided to find out what the fuss was all about with T25. I'm so glad I did. It changed my life - for real. These results are from a while back, maybe November? I'm about the same size as I was in the "after 10 weeks" group now, maybe a little skinnier from all the running I've been doing.

I've decided lately, though, that I want to get stronger. I want to build muscle and bulk up a little bit. So... I decided to order Body Beast. It's a 90 day program that will help me focus on bulking up and getting stronger. I decided, though, to not just go with the program, but to order an entire Challenge Pack. I'm not just going to focus on my workouts, nope! I'm going to work on nutrition, since that's my biggest struggle. I suck at meal planning, and I have a wicked sweet tooth. I'm excited to start this journey and see where it takes me. I'm supposed to get my Shakeology and challenge pack in the mail either tomorrow or Monday, then my Challenge Group starts on May 12 (although I'm totally going to start this thing sooner... just because I'm a little too excited about it).
Guys. I have had so much success with T25 and also Insanity that I am super pumped to see what Body Beast can do for me!!! My challenge group is open to anyone who wants to get fit or lead a healthier lifestyle, so if you are interested in having a great support group while you get healthy, let me know! I would love to help you out.


Monday, April 21, 2014

I'm A...

Hi guys!!!! 

So I've been thinking lately... what do we mean when we say we're a _________? When can we call ourselves _______________? What qualifies us as ______________?

Don't get what I mean?

I'm a photographer.  I didn't know when to start calling myself a photographer. I've had a "fancy camera" for years, but I didn't figure out how to really use it until about a year ago. Then, I took pictures of family and friends for free to practice. I did my first paid shoot in August of 2013. I still didn't feel comfortable calling myself a photographer, and I'm not sure why. I have poured hours of my life into studying photography, learning about light, learning all the tips and tricks of my camera, studying posing and composition, etc. etc. I've poured thousands of dollars into equipment and lenses. I've come a very long way, but I know I have a long way to go. I'm a photographer, but am I really? Do I really qualify as one?
I'm a runner.  I have a problem calling myself a runner. Nevermind the fact that I can run 8+ miles without stopping - I just don't feel like a runner. I'm not fast, I don't live to run, I don't really even care for it all that much, but does that mean I'm not a runner? Do I qualify as a runner even though it's not my favorite thing in the world? How do I make that distinction?

I'm sure there are plenty more __________s that I could fill, but those are the two I've been thinking of lately. What about you? What are your _________s that you question? What are you? 

Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Mama + Baby Style

Happy Hump Day!!! 

And thank you to those of you who texted, emailed, and facebook messaged me after yesterday's post. It obviously helped me get out of my funk because I had a fabulous run yesterday. A little over five miles at about a 9:30/mile pace, which is great for me. That may seem slow to some people, but for me... it's a friggin' miracle. Ha! So anyway... thanks to all of you guys who continually support me!

So... Elsie and I brand reps/models for Trendy Tree House, and last week in the mail, we received this super fun shirts! They are just perfect and we love them so much. I've never really had any clothes that coordinated with Elsie's, so I was super excited about getting these shirts! You can find them here. 

Monday, April 14, 2014

Feeling Discouraged.

Hey guys! 

So really this post is for me to get some feelings out in the hopes that I'll be better able to overcome them. I'm not allowing comments on this post, but if you feel the need to say something, you know how to reach me.

The half marathon is about 3 weeks away. On Saturday, I was supposed to run a 10K for time. Great, no problem. I got my workout gear on, filled my water bottles, grabbed my phone and headed for the door. As soon as I got to the trailhead, I started to run. About thirty seconds in, I had a lot of pain in my calves and my knees. A little bit of pain when I'm first starting out isn't unusual for me - I generally just run through it and it stops after about mile 2. This was different, though - this hurt. Like, really hurt. It was to the point where I didn't want to risk injuries by running, so I stopped. I stretched, walked a bit, then started jogging again. Things still hurt, so I walked until I reached the part of the trail where it turns to gravel (about 1.25 miles in). I started running again, and I felt a little bit better.

As soon as my knees started feeling better, though, my sinus issues came into play. I had snot running down my face and a major sinus headache. Running made my head feel like it was going to explode. I was so annoyed! I used all 5 tissues that I had with me and went through one of my water bottles. By this time, I was about 3 miles in and had probably walked a total of a mile. I was pissed. I got to the turnaround point and decided that I was going to try to run again. At this point, it's 85 degrees and humid, I'm having sinus and asthma issues, I have to pee, I'm almost out of water, and I'm angry. This was supposed to be a great run for me. I was supposed to be feeling freaking awesome. WHY DIDN'T I, THEN?!? I started to jog, and, of course, my left knee starts screaming at me. I had to stop. Had to. As I slowed down to start walking, my knee almost gave out on me. I had to walk the last 2.75 miles home.

I felt (feel) like a total and complete failure. I know we all have bad runs, I do. I know that every run can't be super amazing. But you know what?! I also know that I'm not a runner. I don't love running. Running is not enjoyable for me, so at this point, I'm incredibly discouraged. I have been eating my feelings the past two days (in the form of sour cream and cheddar potato chips and cheese balls), and I'm mad at myself for that. I skipped the gym today because I'm afraid. I'm afraid that, if I were to try to run five miles today, I would fail. So instead of running, I slept, telling myself that I'd go tomorrow. I'm scared. I have invested so much time (and money!!!) into this stupid half marathon, and now I feel like I will never be able to do it.

So that's that. That's what's going on over here. Hopefully tomorrow I can overcome this feeling and just get out there and run.

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