Change is Possible.

What's up, mah homies? Thanks for all the "Get Betters." I'm pretty sure that you are all the reason I'm not puking today. At least I like to think so. 

So I like to keep it real with you guys. I don't like to pretend like my life is perfect (it's not), I don't want to come across as if I don't have a care in the world (I do), and I don't want to come across as "fake" on this here blog. 

I hate being serious and talking about serious stuff because, let's face it - I'm anything but serious 99.9% of the time. 

But I want you guys to know who I really am, and why I am the way that I am. This is not intended to cause debate - this is my opinion, and you all are just as entitled to yours. I am not judging anyone with this post, it's simply all of my thoughts and an experience put down on "paper."  


Once upon a time, I was getting ready to go to college. I didn't want to be the stereotypical Molly Mormon and go to BYU at 18, get married at 19, and drop out to fulfill my life long dream of being a wife and a mother (keep in mind this is my 18-year-old self thinking these thoughts). So instead of high-tailing it to Utah, Idaho, or Hawaii like virtually every other Mormon youth, I headed up north to the University of Nebraska. 



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I went to church once. I hated it. I felt like lots of people there were either weird, judgmental, pushy, or a combination of all three

I discovered that I really liked to party. I went out every Friday and Saturday night, and sometimes on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Instead of being the stereotypical Mormon, I had become the stereotypical sorority girl. Except, ya know, the part where you dress like a skank, act all slutty, and are part of a sorority (I realize not every sorority girl is like this, sheesh). So... I guess I just partied. A lot

I hated going to church, I hid from "the Mormons" anytime they tried to come "bring me back to the fold." I always knew I'd get back there eventually, I just thought to myself, eh. I can go back to church whenever I want - I can't party like this forever. 

Fast Forward a year and a half. I got an internship in Germany. I moved out here all by myself. I lived in the armpit of Frankfurt (aka Offenbach am Main). I had no friends, my coworkers weren't exactly open or inviting. I called my mom in tears, telling her that I hated it here and that I was ready to come home. Good ole Mom. She told me to go to church. I protested and went a couple more weeks being miserable. 

Then one fateful Sunday, I decided to do it. I hated it, I felt so alone and awkward, and I was about ready to say "screw it" again when I met someone who turned out to be a sort of lifesaver. Sure, he was cute and tall, but that was not what it was all about. He invited me to go to church activities, and I met more people that I actually enjoyed spending time with. I began to look forward to church. 

When I got back to the states, I decided to go to church again, and it wasn't half bad. I kept partying, but I figured, I'll stop eventually - at least I'm making an effort here. Eventually something totally awful happened one night when I was smashed. That was the point at which I kicked myself in the effing face, and said, 



After that night... I never had another drink. I got a heck of a lot better about swearing (I used to curse like a sailor), and a month later... I met the man that I would spend forever with. I changed. With a ton of help from God, and a ton of help from others, I changed

I spent more time on my knees pouring out my soul in those 8 months that I was trying to get better than I ever had before. It was a long and excruciatingly painful process, and I wanted to give up more than once, but I didn't. I prayed, and prayed, and prayed. If I'm perfectly honest here, it sucked. Hardcore. But then... I was happy. For the first time in a couple of years, I was happy with who I was and where I was. 

The moral of the story is this: Change is possible. 

I have had people belittle me and judge me for the things that I've done. Some have even gone so far as to say that I haven't really changed, that I'm putting on a show, and that eventually I'll go back to the way I was. They've told me that I'm an awful person, and that it doesn't matter how much I try, I will never be worthy of the man to whom I am married. They have told me that people don't change

I beg to differ. If you don't believe me, look at who I was then, and who I have become. 




All you have to do is believe that you can. 

23 comments:

Jenny-O said...

I LOVE this post Alyx. Speaks to my heart and my soul right now. I believe that there is a point for each of us, where we have to do some soul-searching. Sometimes it's much more evident (as in your case and mine) and for others it's perhaps less of an "event" and more of a gradual change. But you're right! Everyone has the ability to do so, it he/she believes it's possible! I'm still working on it!

eef said...

I love this post! I'm not especially religious or anything, but I went through a major party phase before meeting my boyfriend... And I've totally changed. I'm no longer that crazy drunk girl, I'm not embarrassed about things I don't remember doing, and I don't have to go apologize to people for being a drunk bitch. That's not to say I don't have fun anymore, but I just don't go crazy like that--it's really not even fun to drink that much! I'm much happier now staying in and spending time with a few friends or my boyfriend instead of a bunch of other crazy drunks at a bar!

Cassie @ Live.Laugh.L0ve. said...

Thank you so much for sharing your story! It is possible for people to change! I hate that people judge your past, especially when your far from the same person! *Hugs*

thobeka said...

I loved this! Thanks for sharing :)

Amy Lynn said...

Ok I just love that you shared this! I just want to second that change is possible because I too have experienced a change for the better in my own life! I heard a quote a few weeks ago regarding change and it said this, "you can't make people change, but you can love them to change." I really like that. We are all our own humans and entitled to making our own decisions, but that doesn't mean we have to stop loving those who choose differently than we would. Just a thought (:

Keri said...

Through Christ, NOTHING is impossible! I am living proof of that as well...He has transformed me and continues to do so every single day. Thanks for sharing your heart!!

Anna said...

loved reading this. You obviously have an incredibly supportive family and husband who love you and that makes a massive difference. And "happy" is worth all the pain. Seriously takes guts to change and you did it. :)

Sarah Kate said...

You have such a good story - because it has a happy ending!!! Unfortunately, there will always be Judgemental Jenny's (like how I made that up???) that will always think of you as the girl you were. I know this from experience. You just gotta let them and their judgements go. You and the people in your life now know who you really are. And more importantly, God does. :o) Glad you got off the party train. In my experience, nothing good ever comes from that kind of lifestyle.

B said...

You're amazing, my dear.

And yes, change is always possible. Thank you for posting this today. I really needed to see it.

God bless you!

Alana Christine said...

I like storytime with Alyx! Thanks for sharing!
Sometimes it's hard for me to believe that people can change, so I'm glad you proved to me that people can if they want to.

Ali said...

You are amazing!! I am so proud to call you my friend because you are so open and shared this story with us ;) My dad went through the same thing you did and he is stronger for everything he went through. He taught us kids not to judge people for who they might be RIGHT THEN, because people DO change ;) You go girl! And honestly, even the mistakes we make make us better people when we stop and think about it ;)

Kris said...

ooh wow, what a lovely heart felt and honest story. Just wanted to say I really enjoy your blog. (I'm an American living in England.)

Natasha Louise said...

Alyx I love you and I love your honesty! I know for a fact change is possible, I know it because I don't come from your average mormon back ground and have has trials and things I've been through that sometimes it just seems others don't have to. I've seen first hand though, people change and I know it is possible with the Lord. Change most definitely is possible, it's amazing! Thanks so much for sharing and being real! Sometimes people in the blogging world appear to have the most perfect lives, but you know it can't be that way exactly.

Thanks for the prayers though, that little guy is definitely my brother in my heart! :)

Maria said...

Such a beautiful post Alyx! I've never been into going out and partying a ton, even though I am in a sorority, but I know people who have been and who have changed their lives for the better! It sounds like you're in a much better place now, and as long as you're happy, healthy and in a good place that's all that should matter!

Angie said...

Good part of life to share Alyx. It's too bad you have some people in your life that won't let their feelings about who you are grow and evolve as you have. There seems to be a lot of that, wackness!

Camille said...

your blog is really sweet! i really enjoy the way you tell it like it is and how you really open up! pretty special this blog! :)

gapoole said...

Word.

All the hates can go to heck!

Kassi at Truly Lovely said...

Dude!! This not trying to be Molly Mormon girl went to NMSU! No Utah for me either. I partied a lot in college too as did the hubs who is also LDS. And now we've grown up. Lots of people go through that stage. We still don't go to church, well hardly ever, but we're working on it. So don't let anyone EVER tell you that you are not worthy of ANYTHING. You are ABSOLUTELY worthy of everything you want in life. You just have to work on it. ;)

Sara Louise said...

Wow! What an inspiring story. I really appreciate you putting yourself out there for all of us like this so that we can learn something and maybe change what needs to be changed about ourselves as well :-)

Samantha said...

love this alyx! and thank you for sharing! It's amazing what blessings heavenly father has in store for us when we get ourselves back on track. And you deserve everything you got outta life :)

Alyx said...

Thanks!

Alyx said...

It definitely is really amazing! So many blessings to be had. and thanks! :)

DarkNiteV said...

Thank you for your story. I too lived my life a certain way until I downward spiraled to a crash and burn and decided to change my life and no longer drink. Your story most definitely spoke to me. Thank you for sharing.