Changes. Bikes. Cats. Nephews. Homework. Etc.

Yooooooo. 


If you haven't already, you should go check out (and join!) the Better Blogger Network. I'm one of their bloggers, and it's a pretty awesome place to network and find great new blogs to read!


So. Starting next month, there's going to be some pretty huge changes around these parts. In no particular order, they are: 


- we're going to be spending a whole lot of time with these. AKA I'm going to be getting my butt back into shape and making Husband come with me.

- I'm accepting sponsors again. Heaven help me, I decided to start sponsorship again. I have ONE feature spot, THREE medium, and TWO small left. Let me know if you want one. Don't worry, though - my blog will not be taken over by guest posts - it is my blog, and it will stay that way.

- we're going to be homeless and car-less. We have no idea where we're going to live. We thought we'd be moving to Buffalo, NY, but now we may not have to, so we're in the middle of a waiting game. 


- I'm going to be doing a whole lot of this. I have a feeling that grad school is going to kick my butt.

- I'm going to spend time with this guy. Hopefully he remembers me.

- and this guy. I will cry if he hates me/ doesn't know who I am.

- we will be sleeping on a bed big enough for two giants. Halle-freaking-lujah. I think I would have died if I had to sleep on a double any longer.

- a new blog design and some new bloggy features. When life changes come... so do blog changes.

So... I don't know if you caught on, but we're going home. It's about a month and a half earlier than we were supposed to, but we had some problems with our plane tickets, and I'm kind of really upset about it. I've avoided the topic here because we had some big travel plans that got thrown out the window with the news that we were headed home early, and it was really disappointing to me.

It's also hard for me because I have spent a total of almost five years of my life living in Germany, and I can see myself here for five more (only maybe with real jobs and not an 800 EUR a month salary). I am so torn, because I love it here so much, but I know that there are better things for us in the United States right now.

Basically... it's really bittersweet, and my poor little heart is kinda breaking. Mostly because I'm gonna miss the schnitzel. Okay, that was a lie - it's because I'm a big wimp. 

Change is Possible.

What's up, mah homies? Thanks for all the "Get Betters." I'm pretty sure that you are all the reason I'm not puking today. At least I like to think so. 
So I like to keep it real with you guys. I don't like to pretend like my life is perfect (it's not), I don't want to come across as if I don't have a care in the world (I do), and I don't want to come across as "fake" on this here blog. 
I hate being serious and talking about serious stuff because, let's face it - I'm anything but serious 99.9% of the time. 
But I want you guys to know who I really am, and why I am the way that I am. This is not intended to cause debate - this is my opinion, and you all are just as entitled to yours. I am not judging anyone with this post, it's simply all of my thoughts and an experience put down on "paper."  

Once upon a time, I was getting ready to go to college. I didn't want to be the stereotypical Molly Mormon and go to BYU at 18, get married at 19, and drop out to fulfill my life long dream of being a wife and a mother (keep in mind this is my 18-year-old self thinking these thoughts). So instead of high-tailing it to Utah, Idaho, or Hawaii like virtually every other Mormon youth, I headed up north to the University of Nebraska. 

viaI went to church once. I hated it. I felt like lots of people there were either weird, judgmental, pushy, or a combination of all three. 
I discovered that I really liked to party. I went out every Friday and Saturday night, and sometimes on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Instead of being the stereotypical Mormon, I had become the stereotypical sorority girl. Except, ya know, the part where you dress like a skank, act all slutty, and are part of a sorority (I realize not every sorority girl is like this, sheesh). So... I guess I just partied. A lot. 
I hated going to church, I hid from "the Mormons" anytime they tried to come "bring me back to the fold." I always knew I'd get back there eventually, I just thought to myself, eh. I can go back to church whenever I want - I can't party like this forever. 
Fast Forward a year and a half. I got an internship in Germany. I moved out here all by myself. I lived in the armpit of Frankfurt (aka Offenbach am Main). I had no friends, my coworkers weren't exactly open or inviting. I called my mom in tears, telling her that I hated it here and that I was ready to come home. Good ole Mom. She told me to go to church. I protested and went a couple more weeks being miserable. 
Then one fateful Sunday, I decided to do it. I hated it, I felt so alone and awkward, and I was about ready to say "screw it" again when I met someone who turned out to be a sort of lifesaver. Sure, he was cute and tall, but that was not what it was all about. He invited me to go to church activities, and I met more people that I actually enjoyed spending time with. I began to look forward to church. 
When I got back to the states, I decided to go to church again, and it wasn't half bad. I kept partying, but I figured, I'll stop eventually - at least I'm making an effort here. Eventually something totally awful happened one night when I was smashed. That was the point at which I kicked myself in the effing face, and said, 

After that night... I never had another drink. I got a heck of a lot better about swearing (I used to curse like a sailor), and a month later... I met the man that I would spend forever with. I changed. With a ton of help from God, and a ton of help from others, I changed. 
I spent more time on my knees pouring out my soul in those 8 months that I was trying to get better than I ever had before. It was a long and excruciatingly painful process, and I wanted to give up more than once, but I didn't. I prayed, and prayed, and prayed. If I'm perfectly honest here, it sucked. Hardcore. But then... I was happy. For the first time in a couple of years, I was happy with who I was and where I was. 
The moral of the story is this: Change is possible. 
I have had people belittle me and judge me for the things that I've done. Some have even gone so far as to say that I haven't really changed, that I'm putting on a show, and that eventually I'll go back to the way I was. They've told me that I'm an awful person, and that it doesn't matter how much I try, I will never be worthy of the man to whom I am married. They have told me that people don't change. 
I beg to differ. If you don't believe me, look at who I was then, and who I have become. 

All you have to do is believe that you can.