Dear Germany...

If you haven't already, check out Vivian's guest post. I hate posting twice in one day, but this is important, and Vivian wrote the first post, so I think it's okay... 

Dear Germany, 
I think it's time we had a talk, and I'm not gonna sugar coat anything. This letter might be a little long, but you'll wanna stick it out to the end, because I'm really pissed at you right now, and I think you need to know why. I could say I'm mad at you because you took me away from these people:
 but I won't, because I chose to come here. What I did not choose, however, is the following: 
1. Living in the middle of nowhere
2. The fact that the grocery stores close at 8:00
3. An 8 oz. jar of crappy peanut butter costing over $2.50 (yes, I know I need to get over the peanut butter thing). 
4. Having a bed where not even Snow White's dwarves could sleep comfortably. 
5. Paying more for a 480 sq ft. apartment than we did for an 1180 sq ft. apartment. 
6. A full month without sunshine
7. Kids that crawl on tables (don't ask... my 5th graders were awful today). 
8. A lack of any breakfast cereal worth eating.
9. Mold growing on walls because of the moisture in the air no matter how often we try to be like the Germans and "air out" our apartment. 
10. Grandma curtains. Look at them!! 
11. A cell phone that never has signal. You can't tell, but I promise it only has one bar, and that's right next to the window. 
12. Having to pay $20 round trip to get to the nearest actual city. 
13. Not even having the option to go out to eat. I strongly dislike cooking, and you're forcing me to do it against my will. WHERE THE EFF IS TACO BELL?!?!?

Some things that I did choose, but must have been smoking crack when I agreed to them: 

1. An 800 EUR a month salary. A whopping $1072.87. I'm not even gonna say how big of a pay cut that was for us - that's not necessary. All you need to know is this - I could probably make more than that working full time at McDonald's.
2. Bureaucracy up the freaking wazzoo. REALLY, Germany? You're going to send me to 3 different cities to try and get permission to live here when you invited me here? THEN you're going to tell me I don't make enough money to live here? WHAT IS YOUR DEAL?? 
3. Leaving all my kitchen appliances behind. Do you know how hard it is to do everything by hand? I live in this century for a reason. I was not born to live like a crazy person braving the German frontiers with nothing but a couple pots and pans. 
4. Small showers. Like, almost too small for one person. Try cramming 2 giants into one. Yeah, doesn't work. 

Maybe I'm just having a bad day because the store didn't sell frosting for the 524 sugar cookies I just finished baking, and my homemade attempt ended up being a pile of something that looked like crap, puke, or both. Or maybe it's because the students were little monsters today. Or it could have been the fact that I rode the train illegally because the ticket machine was broken, and the guy inside wouldn't take my EC Card. Who knows?! But today, you smell like rotten fish, and I wish I was back home. 

Try to make tomorrow better for me, okay? 

Love Maybe I'll like you next week,

Alyx 

15 comments:

Daryl said...

I hope I can help redeem Germany this weekend! change is hard, regardless of the country.

Ali said...

I LOVE YOU! I'm so sorry that you had a bad day though! This freaking killed me from hilarity especially the smoking crack line cuz I always say "Are you high on crack!?" when I
m astounded by something stupid hahahahaha I truly hope tomorrow is better!

Jenni Austria Germany said...

i can sympathize with every single one of these, believe me!

Lacy in the Sky with Diapers said...

can I mail you some frosting and peanut butter to cheer you up? :( Love you!!

Michelle P said...

I'm sorry. I hope things get better.

Brooke said...

Don't you hate days like that?? I'm sorry. Tomorrow will be better, right? And in the meantime - punch those curtains for me.

Jennie said...

I am sorry to say this, but this made me laugh a lot. I TOTALLY have those days where I hate EVERYTHING in the whole world. Also I hate the whole no peanut butter idea.

Natasha Louise said...

Oh snap, I feel so bad for you!! I have these days too though, maybe write a list of positive's?? AND someone needs to send you peanut butter!! hahaha Seriously!

Fash Boulevard said...

haha. laughed out loud at the snow white joke. amazing post, love. thanks for sharing. if you get a sec I'd love to hear what you think of my latest trend report and enter my giveaway. xo

www.fashboulevard.blogspot.com

gapoole said...

Keep ya chin up, girl. Tomorrow you'll get to remember some of the good things about being here.

Cori said...

In your honor I am eating graham crackers and peanut butter. And there are so many great things you can get there that you can't get here and will miss when you come home. Live it up kiddo! But do it on the cheap. ;-)

Kendra said...

I know I'm coming in on this out of the loop, but what brings you to Germany? So cool you're over there living the adventurous life!

Laura said...

I LOVE this post!
I think I will sit down and write the same kind of letter to Japan, which is where I live as an ex-pat!

Bri said...

Hi girl! I'm sorry you had a rough day, I'll say a prayer tonight that you have a better day tomorrow, and also say a prayer of thanks for everything here in the U.S. that we take for granted. Email me if you need someone to talk to!
Bri

amandapoverseas said...

The lack of sunshine for awhile drove me crazy, especially because the last place I lived longest was FL where I got to see it pretty much every day. I thought it was just because we have crappy pre-paid vodafone that the cell service sucks...maybe not. But I am always checking my phone to find out it has 'no service' and has to be turned off and on. I hat the mold too. It hasn't been as bad since it's warmed up and we've started leaving the windows tilted most of the time. My biggest gripe when it got hot was that we have no AC. I spend a fair bit of time in the bedroom because it's the only one with a ceiling fan. Of course to spite me it has been raining and actually kind of cold the last few days but I'll take it.