What to Expect when You're Expecting (Part 2)

Hi guys! 

Happy Friday! 

Before I go into part two of my little pregnancy series that I like to call What to Expect when You're Expecting (an extremely condensed and not at all accurate Representation of Pregnancy) (you can find part one here), I wanted to let you all know that the book for February is Something Borrowed. If your library has a waiting list, get on it now!

Anyway. Now it is time for part two...

Things I Wish People had Told me about Pregnancy

11. How often you will have to show off your lady parts. Ummm let's just talk about how open us pregnant ladies have to be. I mean, obviously I knew that I'd be showing the whole world my junk during labor, but I didn't expect so much of it before the fact. 

I knew what dilation was, but it did not occur to me how they would measure. It also did not occur to me that I would have to do a vaginal ultrasound along with a normal one at my 20-week appt. It ALSO did not occur to me that if you are having any strange symptoms down there, the doc will want to check it out. 

12. You will be scratching more than a monkey on crack. I found myself scratching my boobs in public today, and I didn't notice until I'd been doing it for a good thirty seconds. I'm constantly trying to relieve myself of my itchy stomach, as well, so I probably just look like some chunky meth-head. 
13. Your mouth will never be the same. Weird, right? Your gums will probably bleed. If you've had braces, your teeth will move more than usual. You may drool more than normal. 

14. You will not only scratch like a monkey - you will probably start to look like one, too. Your hair will grow thicker (and, in my case, darker). This is great for your head, but not so great for your arms, legs, and umm... other places. 

15. TUMS aren't candy - they actually have a purpose, and you will come to keep them around for said purpose, not just because they taste good. Or am I the only one that treated TUMS like candy before I got pregnant? Anyway, you'll go through a bottle of that stuff if you're lucky enough to get the killer heartburn that oh, so many prego ladies get. 
And that is where I stop. Next up - What to Expect when You're Expecting (Part 3) - and this time we'll be talking about FOOOOOOODDDD!!!! 

52 comments:

Kelly said...

... I already have really thick, really dark hair. Not looking forward to pregnancy.

Libby's Life said...

I'll tell you that as time goes on in your pregnancy they look "down there" a whole lot less! Like not until the last few weeks when they start checking you... so don't worry that part gets better ;)

RadiantKristen said...

Oh my gosh... when I donated my eggs, I had 15 trans-vaginal unltrasounds, plus the retrieval. I felt like some sort of public art exhibit or something.

Sarah said...

Haha The scratching. I remember it well. I had to lotion my belly constantly to get any sort of relief.

Kylie said...

Oh the scratching and the hair! As for the exposure, u was hardly ever checked down there. I wasn't checked for dilation until I was 39 weeks!

Kym said...

Oh. My. God. That sounds...terrible. I am fully looking forward to the food part...that's got to be the "hey this being pregnant thing is kinda awesome!" part, right? RIGHT?!?!

In other news, I ordered Something Borrowed from the library just in case it became our book for next month (and also cos it sounded so interesting I decided to read it anyway), and it just arrived at my library today! Fun coincidence :)

xo
Kym
bitty.and.bunny

Eve Myers said...

I will remember these things if I'm ever thinking about getting preggo.

Breenah said...

I had Gatorade, Tums, and pretzels next to our bed during my entire pregnancy.

Marlen said...

i never ever heard of any of those things happening- very eye opening! i heard of the killer heart burn but not the itchiness or hairiness- oh the joys haha

Niken said...

oh my,i don't want to think about how often pregnant woman should show her lady part. at least until i get pregnant.

Dearest Lou said...

I completely agree with the thicker and darker hair! However, the complete opposite has happened since I started breastfeeding! My hair grows in much slower and I barely have any hair growing under my pits, I only have to shave once every 2 weeks (tmi?)

Also, I'm pretty sure you already know but there's a good chance of not getting a period while breast feeding too, it's awesome! So there's some things to look forward to postpartum ;P

BeaumontGirl said...

haha Love this, I am 11 weeks today and YUCK Tums are actually getting old :( So glad I found your blog, following you!

http://thebees3.blogspot.com/

Sue said...

Oh my goodness, TUMS! I am on my 8th bottle and my pregnancy hasn't ended yet... I have such a love/hate relationship with them!

Altax said...

This is very informative. Rhanks for sharing.

Kids Games

Altax said...

Its not rhanks its thanks. Sorry for the previous comment.

Greta said...

Hahahah!!!! I love it! Actually, my body hair gets thinner and finer during pregnancy - I barely have to shave, whereas normally I am plenty hairy. Bonus! :D And at least after you have your baby NOTHING will feel painful to you (in comparison) and you totally won't care about being naked in public. ;)

Lisa said...

I was checked "down there" on my first prenatal visit, and then they did the same vaginal ultrasound at my 20 week, but that's about it. I don't expect them to do any more of that until the end.
My husband laughed at me a couple weeks ago because I was standing in our room scratching my boobs. Ha ha.
I hadn't had tums much until I became pregnant. I didn't realize they'd be my best friend, but I definitely keep them in my purse, because heartburn is killer! Yuck!

Sarah Kate said...

Tums = candy for me, too. And a mint flavored Rolaid can double as a breathmint if you're in a stitch. :o)

I had to get braces again after pregnancy because my teeth shifted so much (and I wasn't wearing my retainer).

I love your new, simplified design!

Maria said...

You ate tums like candy before pregnancy...........but...they taste like chalk.....
xo, Maria

Alana Christine said...

And now...I never want to get pregnant. lol

Georgina Castellucci said...

Thank you for this information. Seriously I am not pregnant yet but I know this will be a wonderful reference for when I am :)

Emily S said...

I'm still scratching and my baby is 10 months old!

Kassi Mortensen said...

Oh goodness... so much for me to look forward to. haha

Rosie said...

I still am quite excited to start having babies though......with my dry skin and current thick hair....I might look like a cave woman. At least with only wearing animal skin I would be set for examination, unable to itch AND avoid bladder infections.....great writing....you poor lucky lady xxx

kimberrleigh said...

Can I just say I'm pretty anti-children - very content not having responsibility or anything like that. Not even really a fan of kids. BUT you and one of my really good friends are making me reconsider my views on kids! I love your honesty on everything, it makes me crack up!

Seriously though, you should post your registry link/send me your address... you may get some special fun baby/Momma things :)

Oh, and I totally eat Tums like candy now. Probably not healthy/safe... but whatever!

<3
carelessly graceful

Mia @ The Chronicles of Chaos said...

Oh man, there's nothing I hated more than being examined. It's so awkward, I tried to never make eye contact during, because it was just so weird haha. Worst part was being in labor with my youngest and in walks one of the nurses who was this girl from high school I didn't like. I'm furiously trying to throw a sheet over myself and the docs like, what are you doing?! Push!! ;)

Vapid Vixen said...

Ohhhhh wooow. It just gets better and better. O_o

I have yet to go to a gyno. Ever.

I KNOW!

Krysten @ Why Girls Are Weird said...

So... you're making me never want to get pregnant. Just sayin'.

Megan said...

oh pregnancy.... thankfully my hair actually was thinner during pregnancy but that was pretty much the only good thing. i basically hated all 9 months of my life, ha! love your post though! so funny and accurate! hope you are having a good pregnancy and enjoying this time as much as you can :)

Whitney said...

Hahaha I am SO glad to finally find someone else that treats Tums like they are candy! Every time I say they taste good, I get crazy looks from everyone! Hope you are having a great weekend Alyx!

Deidre said...

I never considered the scratching all the time, but it totally makes sense as both boobs and belly grow and need more skin, just like scars itch when they're healing...It makes so much sense!

I don't think i've ever eaten a tums...

Sara Louise said...

Adoption and surrogacy are sound better and better!
But seriously, I love these posts, it's about time somebody told the truth. I'm going to remember these for when it's my time to turn into a monkey :)

RACHEL TaoOfPoop said...

Yup. Nodding my head in agreement. I think they don't tell you these things, because they're afraid you won't get pregnant, if you knew them!

Mary Davis said...

I truly believe that every women needs to be well informed about that vaginal ultrasound. Like really, it would have been nice to at least expect it. I had a friend who waited till about 15 weeks to make sure she avoided it (I have never heard of getting one at 20! Oi!).

rooth said...

Did NOT know that about your mouth and scratching. Moms sure are brave

ifs ands Butts said...

hahahahaha honest to NO fault, you are awesome. At least I know what I'm in for someday?

Elsha said...

You've just made me want to stay on birth control longer :) TUMS are not candy!! You may pop them like candy but apparently there is a max per day you are supposed to have. And I've heard from all my Mommy friends that if you have heart burn it is because your babe will have TONS of hair! Good news!

Lori said...

(alyx- I mainly wrote this as an informative piece for you- since you mentioned you were surprised by certain things I was hoping to be able to give you a heads up on the nitty gritty, and tried to remember everything I could- so you can delete the comment if it doesn't fit, just as long as you hopefully find it helpful :)
Alyx is right, it's not all
glamourous- but some of you commenters are being so ridiculous!
Pregnancy is also wonderful and amazing and a MIRACLE! You get to feel this tiny life inside you moving. You come to look forward to your baby's "awake times" and delight in every kick you feel. You get constant entertainment putting your cellphone on your belly, and watch the baby kick it off.

Exams, although awkward, are not as often as you think. I had a vaginal ultrasound (you basically insert a giant dildo-shaped ultrasound wand into your hoohaa) at 10 weeks, then had my dr. check for dilation at 36 weeks- and yes, that involves your dr sticking two fingers into you and measuring how open your cervix is. For me, it HURT. bad. If you're close to your due date you'll likely have weekly checks, starting at 36 weeks (I went into labor early at 37.5 weeks so only had the one check, at which I was already 4 cm dilated)Then of course during labor you've had at least a nurse and the Dr up in there (or in my case two nurses inserting an electrode up into me and into my son's skull because his heart rate was dropping), but you're in labor and you don't care and you finally relent and just pull the sheet off and let it all hang out, with 5 people in the room, including your mom and husband.
Oh, and if you want an epidural, you WILL be catheterized. This means they'll insert a tube into your pee-hole (urethra) because epidurals can cause loss of bladder control.
But it is ALL worth it, and SO not a big deal. My biggest fear near the end of my pregnancy was that I was going to poop while trying to push the baby out. (I didn't, but some do). While pushing, I remembered that fear of mine, and I felt so ridiculous for ever worrying about it- it's hard to explain, but in that moment I KNEW that I didn't care, even if I did poop all over the place. I wanted my baby out, fast (he had the cord wrapped twice around his neck, was being strangled with every contraction, and was stuck in my pelvis for a while, so it was kind of becoming an emergency). Fortunately all turned out ok but he did have to be observed in the NICU for 4 days.

Lori said...

I do wish someone had told me more about after labor. While the baby is being cleaned up on the table next to you, and the pain is gone and replaced with utter joy, you're suddenly very aware that you're naked and spread-eagled. And the dr is still there, helping you deliver the afterbirth (don't let them yank it out). Then after that is done, they survey the damage done by the birth. In my case that meant stitching up the cut they made to open up the area between the vaginal wall and the perineum (skin between your butt and vajajay). Because it was turning into an emergency, the dr had to cut me- to make it so she could actually REACH in there and cut the cord from around my son's neck, in order to free him to be able to come out (he was tethered by it wrapped around his neck, and every contraction was strangling him. lovely, huh?)...even if you're not cut (called an episiotomy) you might....ahem....tear. There are degree of tears- some don't need stitches, some do. My cut needed stitched, so after the birth I spent another 20 minutes or so exposed and spread, being cleaned up and stitched. But I didn't care, because my son was having trouble breathing (fluid in the lungs- ordinarily the pressure of the birth canal helps to squeeze the amniotic fluid from baby's lungs- because he had the cord around his neck that didn't happen, so the nurse was suctioning him out hoping to get him breathing better. His oxygen saturation was good, but he was laboring to breathe a *tiny* bit more than they like, so they whisked him away to the NICU- so whether or not your baby is struggling or you get to sit there snuggling them, you won't really care that you're exposed and a bunch of people in the room.

I was self-conscious during my first attempt at breastfeeding. It was in his NICU room,and there were tons of people in the room again- a NICU nurse, the lactation coach, my mom, husband, and I think a second NICU nurse. I was trying to arrange myself so I wasn't exposed, and the lactation coach teased me with "after what you've just been through you're getting shy now?" I wasn't able to hide my chest enough AND successfully get baby to try to latch, so I finally just had to stop worrying about it and let the whole boob hang out. It worked though and we got nursing going and it was great. So glad I decided to nurse, it's wonderful (and sometimes painful).
So there ya have it. I've probably scared you all off even more :)

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