Why You Shouldn't be Scared of Pregnancy (What to Expect Part 4)

Happy Monday!!! 

As I've been going through my "What to Expect..." series on this here blog, I find that these ... umm... beautiful... parts of pregnancy have made quite a few of you turn your heads in disgust and say things like, "I AM NEVER HAVING CHILDREN!!" While I understand that most of you are probably exaggerating and telling bold-faced lies, I thought I'd dedicate a post to all of the cool things about growing a little human inside your belly (because, yes... there are some things better than hemorrhoids and constant bloating).

So here we go... This is Part 4 of "What to Expect When You're Expecting (an extremely condensed and not at all accurate Representation of Pregnancy)," also known as: The totally awesome Things about Growing Aliens."

This post is not intended to make you all go grab your man friends and get busy, but by all means, if my little baby has some cute little bloggy buddies, I wouldn't be opposed. Heh.

5 Reasons Pregnancy is Pretty Cool

1. Watching your belly get bigger. Some women are not okay with this - some are even disgusted by it. I, for one, love it. If you follow me on instagram, you probably think I'm a little too into watching my belly grow (I have like, 4 belly photos a week... I can't help it). I just think it's so amazing to watch my body change into a baby house. Do I love the fact that I feel like a chunk some days? No, but I'm turning into a chunk so that my baby can be a chunk, and that's pretty freakin' sweet.

2. Hearing your baby's heartbeat. This is, by far, the most amazing thing about pregnancy. I still remember the first time I heard our little girl's heartbeat - I burst into tears. That thing inside of you? Yeah, it's got a heart, and the heart is thumping away, keeping your little one alive. I love hearing her heart at every doctor's appointment - it makes the whole growing a human thing seem a little more "real."

3. Getting kicked, punched, and jabbed. Again, some people probably think I'm crazy, but I love being ninja-jumped by my little girl. It shows me that she's in there preparing to kick some butt in this crazy world that she's about to enter.

4. Learning your baby's personality. Even in the womb, babies can be stubborn little things with their very own distinct personalities. My baby is a daddy's girl through and through - the second she hears her daddy's voice after I get home from work, she goes crazy. She loves music, but only certain kinds. If I do something she doesn't like, she gives me a swift kick to the uterus to let me know. It's crazy how you can have such a strong connection with a little thing you've never even met.

5. Creating a mini-me. You're spending nine months forming a perfect little human being. No one can tell me that this process is not a miracle. It's so amazing that this little baby is growing eyelashes, fingernails, and toenails... all while inside of you. Our bodies are made for this, and it's a perfect process - one that is worth every negative side effect of pregnancy. And I've heard that once you've got that little baby in your arms, you forget all of the pain. I, for one, cannot wait for that - not only now, but again in a few years... and a couple years after that.

Look at those long legs... she's obviously a mini-me. :)

It's your turn. If you're a mom/mom-to be, what was/is your favorite part of pregnancy? If not, is there any part of pregnancy that you are looking forward to? 

What to Expect when You're Expecting: Food.

Happy Wednesday! 

Holy moly. Please tell me I am not the only one ready for this week to be over. It's sad that I find myself counting down to the weekend first thing Monday morning, but Wednesdays always bring the comforting fact that the week is officially halfway over (at noon, anyway).

Anyway. On to Part Three of What to Expect when You're Expecting (an extremely condensed and not at all accurate representation of pregnancy). Today we'll be talking about food.

1. You will cry over food. Or maybe this is just me? I mean, I cried about cupcakes with frosting when I wasn't even pregnant. I could just be extremely passionate about the stuff I eat, but I think the hormones make even "normal" women cry about tacos at least once. Or they may cry and practically flip out on a cafeteria worker when they are REALLY wanting mashed potatoes and the cafeteria at work doesn't have them. Still just me? Well, then. Moving on...

2. You may not have weird cravings. I don't want to eat chalk. My mouth doesn't water when I walk by the charcoal briquettes at the store. I don't run to my front lawn and eat a handful of dirt for breakfast. If you do crave something crazy like this, take a look at your diet and make sure you're getting all the right nutrients for you and your baby!

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3. You may almost vomit and just the thought of eating some of your favorite foods from your pre-pregnancy days. Food aversion - it's real, people! And your tastes can change like that *snaps*! One day tacos may sound delicious. The next, you may make a run for the bathroom at the mere mention of a flour tortilla.

4. You will eat more than your 6'7" husband. You can obviously adjust that height to be a bit more... fitting. But seriously. There are days when I can eat, and eat, and EAT! I don't even know where it goes - my baby must be a food hoarder.

5. You will eat less than your pet hamster. I don't even know how much hamsters eat, but it can't be a lot, right? Anyway, one day you will be a ravenous pig, and then POOF! Just like that, it's gone. You can barely eat a few crackers. It's like your food hoarding baby just released all of your food back into your belly and you are FULL. I tell you what, the appetite comes and goes, my friends.

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And that's that. I mean, I was really expecting to have more to say about food, but I guess I don't. You know what I have plenty to say about, though?? CLOTHES. Yes, next week we will be talking about those wonderful things that keep us from walking around naked.

In other news... Don't forget about the book club book review link up next Tuesday! If you've forgotten, the book is The Other Boleyn Girl by Phillipa Gregory. Next month's book is Something Borrowed by Emily Giffin.

What to Expect when You're Expecting (Part 2)

Hi guys! 

Happy Friday! 

Before I go into part two of my little pregnancy series that I like to call What to Expect when You're Expecting (an extremely condensed and not at all accurate Representation of Pregnancy) (you can find part one here), I wanted to let you all know that the book for February is Something Borrowed. If your library has a waiting list, get on it now!

Anyway. Now it is time for part two...

Things I Wish People had Told me about Pregnancy

11. How often you will have to show off your lady parts. Ummm let's just talk about how open us pregnant ladies have to be. I mean, obviously I knew that I'd be showing the whole world my junk during labor, but I didn't expect so much of it before the fact. 

I knew what dilation was, but it did not occur to me how they would measure. It also did not occur to me that I would have to do a vaginal ultrasound along with a normal one at my 20-week appt. It ALSO did not occur to me that if you are having any strange symptoms down there, the doc will want to check it out. 

12. You will be scratching more than a monkey on crack. I found myself scratching my boobs in public today, and I didn't notice until I'd been doing it for a good thirty seconds. I'm constantly trying to relieve myself of my itchy stomach, as well, so I probably just look like some chunky meth-head. 

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13. Your mouth will never be the same. Weird, right? Your gums will probably bleed. If you've had braces, your teeth will move more than usual. You may drool more than normal. 

14. You will not only scratch like a monkey - you will probably start to look like one, too. Your hair will grow thicker (and, in my case, darker). This is great for your head, but not so great for your arms, legs, and umm... other places. 

15. TUMS aren't candy - they actually have a purpose, and you will come to keep them around for said purpose, not just because they taste good. Or am I the only one that treated TUMS like candy before I got pregnant? Anyway, you'll go through a bottle of that stuff if you're lucky enough to get the killer heartburn that oh, so many prego ladies get. 

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And that is where I stop. Next up - What to Expect when You're Expecting (Part 3) - and this time we'll be talking about FOOOOOOODDDD!!!! 

What to Expect when You're Expecting (an extremely condensed and not at all accurate Representation of Pregnancy) Part One

... written by the furthest thing from a pregnancy expert you will ever meet (unless, of course, you meet Big Foot - I bet he knows even less than I do).

Because I have exactly a bajillion thoughts on the topic of pregnancy, I'm going to do this in parts. Today is part one of part one -

Things I wish People had Told Me about Pregnancy

1. Pregnancy is not fun. Let's face it - the side effects suck, you turn bat-sh** crazy, you cry about tacos, and you become a narcoleptic. Your husband begins to wonder what he's done to you, and every time you look at the scale, you think you're going to break the dang thing.

2. You should buy a dog. Seriously - you will need someone to blame for the smells that will exit your body fairly regularly. Note: a cat is not an acceptable substitute (cats aren't as stinky as dogs).

3. You are not superwoman. Don't try to be - it's hard to do everything when you're not pregnant, and things definitely don't get any easier when you're falling asleep on your piles of unwashed laundry.

4. You will turn into a crocodile. At least you will if your skin was already dry. I put lotion on at least ten times a day, and my hands still look like a pair of leather gloves that have been sitting in the sun for ten years.

5. Hemorrhoids - not just for old men anymore. TMI? Probably, but let's face it - it's just another ugly part of pregnancy. This stuff is real, and I'm telling you - EAT YOUR DANG FIBER. Twenty servings if you have to.

6. Sexy time is not so sexy. Umm, yes. I just said "sex" on my blog. I think we all know how that baby got in your belly (contrary to "Glee" belief, it was not from spermies in a hot tub), so let's get over the "s-word." SEX. Yes, you can still have it, yes, you will probably definitely want it (or maybe you won't). NO. You will not feel sexy. Probably. Your bra won't fit right, your belly will be bulging, you will be bloated, and that is all I have to say about that. But get it on, my friends - Get. It. On. Because you probably won't have as many opportunities for the next 30 years. And then you'll just be old and wrinkly. And that is the most awkward paragraph to ever grace my blog. You're welcome.

7. You are super prone to infection. Yes - everywhere. All sorts of infections - take care of yourself! Don't let a bladder infection (or something else) ruin your week!

8. You will become a freaking obese asthmatic just by walking up five stairs. Don't believe me? Ask the dude that shares my cubicle wall. I sound like I'm dying every time I come back from the cafeteria downstairs. It's only slightly pathetic (and yes, I have considered taking the elevator - too much pride, people - too much pride).

9. People will look at your tummy and wonder if you're eating 5 big macs a day. You will look like a chubby slob for a while. It's an awkward stage, and no one wants to point out that your belly is bulging, so instead they just stare and think something along the lines of, Man, she's really let herself go. 

does anyone know the original source?

10. You should expect exactly the opposite of what everyone tells you. Think you're going to spend hours praying to the porcelain gods? Nope - you'll just get migraines that would make a grown man cry. Think you're going to swell up like a huge balloon? Nope - you'll be wearing your wedding ring till the baby is born. Think you're going to run over your mailbox? Nope - your name is not Alyx Garner, so you've got nothing to worry about (except the fact that you'll put your cell phone in the freezer and spend three hours looking for it). Think your face will turn into a pizza? It probably will, so you're SOL there. You're welcome.

I have sooo much more to say, but that wisdom will just have to wait.