Timing.

Hi guys! 

Hope you all had a fabulous weekend, and to those of you who don't have to work because of Martin Luther King Day.... I  am jealous, and I just don't know if we can be friends anymore.

Anyway. Today I wanted to share something that is personal, but very important to me. I've wrestled a lot with whether or not I wanted to share this experience here, and, in the end, I've decided that it is something that I would like documented.

Timing - it is everything, especially when a couple is considering having children. Couples find themselves asking, "Is now the right time to have a baby? Is there ever a right time to have a baby? Are we financially secure enough to bear the burden of the cost of a baby?" Like many other couples, Mike and I found ourselves asking those questions.

In August of 2011, we were headed to Europe for ten months. We would have insurance and plenty of time on our hands. We prayed and prayed, and didn't know if having a baby was something that we should do at that point in our lives. We decided to leave it up to fate - we wouldn't try, but we wouldn't not try, either.

If I'm being honest, the fact that I stopped taking that little blue pill at 7:00 a.m. on the dot  every day terrified me. I was only 23 with my whole life ahead of me - I wasn't ready for a baby. I was secretly hoping that it wasn't the time, that things wouldn't work out. At the same time, though, I found myself slightly disappointed each month that I wasn't pregnant.

The months went by, we came back to the United States, and we started looking at houses and jobs. In July we closed on our house and I got a full-time job (you know, the kind with insurance and a salary). We began to wonder if now was the time - should we start thinking a little more seriously about having kids?

This is the part where I tell you that I believe in God. I believe that His timing is everything, and I believe that He knows what we need to hear and when we need to hear it. This is where I share my testimony - I believe in divine revelation, and I believe that, through the holy ghost, our Heavenly Father speaks to us. These revelations can be had through peaceful feelings, thoughts, and even dreams. This is where I share a revelation that I hold very dear to my heart.

Over Labor Day weekend, Mike and I were visiting my parents. Before I go deeper into this story, I want to share that my [then] 16-year-old brother's girlfriend had recently given birth to his child. Because of the circumstances under which that precious little boy came into this world, I harbored a lot of resentment toward him. I hated him because he was born into a broken family, to a girl who couldn't care for him. I hated him because I know many people who would have given anything to have that baby, who could have given him a happy, full life. I hated him because of the mistakes that my brother and his girlfriend had made.

I didn't want to hold him - I didn't want to be around him at all, actually. At one point, though, my brother put him in my arms. I took him upstairs, held him close to me, and rocked him. Eventually, I laid him down on my lap, and I was overcome with a feeling of peace. At that moment, I was told that I could not hate this sweet spirit because of what other people had done. I was told that it was time, and that everything would work out - everything would be okay. 

Two weeks later, I took a pregnancy test and it was positive.

You see, we don't have a lot of money, Mike's still in school, and things aren't exactly easy. In the eyes of the world, our timing probably isn't great. In the eyes of God, though, our timing is perfect because it isn't ours at all - it's His, and His timing is everything. 

36 comments:

ruthy ann said...

I do believe that God's timing is perfect...trusting in his timing...well that's another story!

Rebecca @ Frugal Fashion Mommy said...

My mom once told me '"if everyone waited for the perfect time to have a baby, the human race would seriously decline because hardly anyone would be ready." There really never is a perfect time, but you have to take what you are given and trust that there is a reason behind it. Things will be great at times, and other times it will be really tough and you will question yourself. But in the end, being a parent is the most rewarding thing in the world. I'm 25 with a 2 1/2 year old, and a baby boy who will be joining our family in May. Is the timing perfect? No. But I'm okay with that. Because I know that through the good times and the bad, everything will be worth it =)

Rebecca
Www.frugalfashionmommy.blogspot.com

Katie said...

I love this post. It reminds me so much of what I was feeling/thinking when we decided to stop preventing pregnancy. It was absolutely terrifying, but we knew that it was right, and that was the most important part. It's still terrifying sometimes, but also the most exciting thing we've ever done :)

Kristine Foley said...

Yes, yes, and yes! Beautiful that you shared your testimony. God knows, we just have to remind ourselves of that. XOXOXO

Greta said...

God is good. So glad you had this awesome experience of peace, and recognize it as a sign from Him. Every life has a purpose, and His timing is perfect.! PS Glad you got to enjoy Europe not preggo!!!! :D

Ashley said...

This baby girl is coming at the most perfect time for you! I believe that as well.

Georgina Castellucci said...

Alyx this post made me tear up it is full of such hope and honesty. I love that you got a bit more personal with us, it can be such a tough thing to do but we appreciate it so much!
You are going to be such wonderful parents and overcome any big or small obstacles that come your way. That I am sure of.

God will be with the three of you (and we are always here as well!) Have a great week! (I also don't have Monday off ugh haha)

briannaasaro.com said...

I hope you're right! My husband and I have been been trying for a long time with no luck. We're hoping God has a plan for us and that everything will work out. It's so painful when people become pregnant and share it all over the internet, knowing you yourself are struggling with infertility. But more often than not lately, I find myself very happy for those folks who are blessed and realized God has a plan. I just have to have faith that MY baby is on it's way, eventually.

Lissa said...

thank you for sharing this story - i can't relate totally because I'm not pregnant, but I can tell you thank you for reminding me about HIS timing. I know that all the work we all do only works on HIS schedule and not what we want. You totally spoke to my heart today.

Krystle Wuethrich said...

As a mom of three, there is NEVER a prefect time. You can't plan everything in life. Our first two were conceived on the first try so I knew it was meant to be whether we were "ready" or not. Number three took 9 months of trying and even though it was hard month after month getting that neg test, I knew it would happen when it was meant too! Congrats, motherhood is an amazing experience! :)

Maggie B. said...

A beautiful story. I'm pretty sure people never feel quite ready for what comes our way, but god knows what we need.

lori said...

Such a great post, alyx! So relevant to our lives as well. Our pastor told us to not wait until we had enough money or the perfect conditions to have a baby, because the time will never come. There is always an excuse, and you just have to believe in Gods timing.

Whitney Leigh said...

Woah! there's a baby in there!
way to go on creating a human!

ifs ands Butts said...

And as time goes on, I'm sure y'all will realize how perfect the timing is/was again and again!

kimberrleigh said...

This is gorgeous. This is how I feel about having children (granted, I need to find a man to marry me first... that's a big piece :P).

I don't really like children right now. I'm 22 years old, single, in a new city all by myself, starting my professional career. What in society tells me I should want children right now or that I should I even really like them? It's not my time to want a family. Maybe that's selfish, but it's how I feel.

God is going to have me like and want children when it's right. I'm excited for friends that are having children, like you and my good friend from college!


<3
carelessly graceful

Whitney H said...

I totally know what you mean. I've always said, there's isn't the "perfect time" to have a baby. Right now, I don't feel like I'm emotionally ready, but hey, I wouldn't be sad if it happened! haha. I'm so excited for you- I know your baby will have the most amazing parents!

Kassi Mortensen said...

Wow Alyx... That a girl. So happy for you to have shared your testimony here. Your influence in this blog world is a great thing and I love to see you sharing your heart!!!
I truly believe in His timing as well. We did the same thing, not trying, but not not trying... But I truly believe when you allow yourself to really let go and leave it up to Him, things work out so much better!!!

Jordan Jaked said...

The beautiful thing about faith and God is that his timing is the only perfect timing, and our imperfect spirits can't understand it. It's just important to remain humble and thankful, which you always seem to do!

You are going to be amazing parents. This is your time. :)

Miki {Becoming What I Always Was} said...

That is a beautiful post Alyx! I really am happy for you. I agree that on paper, it will never seem like the perfect time. My sister in law is wanting kids, but keeps saying she doesn't think it's the right time. She has been saying that for 3 years. SO long story short, I am happy for you, and this is the right time for YOU!

Andi of My Beautiful Adventures said...

I don't believe in God, but I do believe that everything works out the way it's supposed to work out. What a beautiful story and I think you're going to be an incredible Mom!!!!

Whitney Cypert said...

You are so wise to realize that God's timing is what is perfect. Sometimes it is so hard to remember that when you either want something really bad or don't want something really bad. Garrett and I struggle with knowing when we might want kids and we should just leave it up to God. Thanks for sharing this post!

Breenah said...

I absolutely love this post.

rooth said...

You know, I don't know if everything will ever be absolutely perfect. You may have money but no time. You may have money / time but not health. I think it's right to be grateful for what you have which I gather is a strong support system behind you and a veritable village to help you and your family grow. Much love to you and yours and to your little nephew as well

Dearest Lou said...

so true! i completely agree, i have a crazy story too but chose not to share it with the blog world. however, if you would like to hear it email me (:

Tiffany @ Austin Family Diary said...

love everything about this post friend :)

amanda krystal said...

its always inspiring to hear others testimonies, thank you for sharing! xxoo

Sara Louise said...

I believe in this post so much! In a couple of weeks I turn another year older, and trust me, at my age, you start freaking out that the baby window is going to pass you by, BUT, I have faith in timing. I know that my baby will arrive when he/she is supposed to arrive, just like yours :)

Kylie said...

Beautiful post :) Just remember that timing, especially on the hard days. I'll be honest that although I would not change a thing about Jake, there are days when I wonder if we did it at the right time, and I just have to trust that God knows us and our plan better than we do.

TicoTina said...

definitely relate with the whole timing thing! thank you for sharing this =)

Sara Cate said...

I couldn't agree with you more. We are 28 wks, and it never seems the right time to start a family. God knows his plan. We may not understand, but he does.

Elsha said...

That is the cutest little alien!! Alyx, I love your honesty in everything. You are a strong woman and is any time ever the right time :)

You're beautiful!


When Mine Became Ours

RadiantKristen said...

I just teared up a bit reading this! The timing of this baby is just perfect. And your feelings about your brother's baby are normal (in my book). I love that you are strong enough and brave enough to share this part of your journey.

Lourdes Echagarruga said...

...and this post was amazing! Just keep your faith in HIM and all will be OK. Things may not be perfect but everything is as HE plans.

I have you in my thoughts!

XO Lourdes

This post was inspirational!

No(dot dot)el said...

Alyx this is so beautiful. I think as a faith filled person trusting in God's timing and not our own can be one of the greatest challenges we face. I do think though over time, and time again when God proves faithful and reveals what was His plan all along it gets easier. We serve a good God and He and his timing really can be trusted.
Thank you for sharing your beautiful heart sweet lady.
I'm so excited for your lil peanut.

TLC said...

Oh Alyx this made me cry! I just want you to know how much I love you and how proud I am of you. Your family has always meant the world to me and everything will be alright, You are amazing. Never give up. Ever.

Katrin said...

I guess the timing is never perfect but I know that you will be the best parents ever because you are awesome! Thanks for sharing, Alyx, it really touched me!