My Carefully Composed List of Things that Make me Want to Punch Babies.

Hello there, dear friends! 

It's hump day! Don't tell your little dog that, though - I'd rather it didn't know.

Ha. ha. I'm so funny.

ANYWAY. I had this genius idea the other day when I was getting really annoyed with all sorts of stupid stuff. I thought to myself, "HEY! Why don't I make an awesome post about things that make me want to punch babies?!"
**No babies were harmed in the making of this post.**
And this list was born. Please, if you are taking me seriously and think that I'm a baby-puncher, just leave this here blog, because you are too ridiculous to read it.

1. The unnecessary shortening of words. This list includes but is not limited to the following: totes, adorbs, whatevs, hilar, jelly, supes. 
2. People who do not do their jobs correctly. Ummmmm oh my gosh. What are you getting paid for? Certainly not whatever it is that you're doing, because it is worthless. Thanks.

3. Women wearing leggings as pants. Read: Wearing leggings with a shirt that does not cover their backside. PEOPLE! We do NOT want to see that.

4. Fictional characters making stupid decisions. Do you remember how I felt about Katniss after the first and second HG books? Yeah, it's decisions like that that are going to kill me before I'm 30.

5. People leaving time on the microwave. Dude. Is it seriously 1:10?? Oh, of course not - some idiot just put WAY too much time on the microwave and couldn't be bothered to take it off when their food was finished.

6. Captcha on blog comments. TAKE IT OFF. TAKE IT OFF. TAKE IT THE H-E-DOUBLE-EFFING-HOCKEYSTICKS OFF!!!!!! Seriously. I want to throw my computer at the wall every time those stupid letters/numbers pop up on my screen.
7. Girls who can't walk in heels. You all know how I feel about this. It's baby-punching worthy. If you can't walk on a balance beam in your heels, you SHOULD NOT wear them. My gosh, it's awful to watch a girl make a fool of herself as she waddles down the street or through the office.

8. 99% of all Reality TV shows. They're just staged, dramatized loads of crap. There, I said it. Haters gon' hate.

9. The fact that I can't use my Mac shortcuts on my PC at work. Most of them work, but when I try one and it doesn't.... It annoys the crap out of me.
10. Sticking the knife in the butter/butter tub rather than scraping the butter off and laying it neatly beside the stick of butter or across the top of the tub. I don't know why this bothers me so much, but holy balls, it drives me freaking bonkers.

You know who doesn't drive me bonkers, though? Shane. She's super cool and awesome and all that other jazz. She has a really cool feature on her blog called Saturday Secrets where you can go share your secrets anonymously, she just won a scholarship from Target, and she started a blogger map that you can add your name to & meet other bloggers in your area!

Click her pic to check her out!

66 comments:

Rima said...

lolololol you crack me up!!!!

but i'm guilty as charge. i love saying whatevs, miso jelly, and totez. You can punch me now.

and I agree with people who don't know do their jobs. Like seriously. I don't know who to blame. The person or the boss. How about both.

another thing that annoys me: Celebrity Tabloids. I'm tired seeing the KardASSians faces. Loathe. To. The. Max.

Alicia Anderson said...

Just FYI, you'll never want to come to dinner at my house. My husband and I love to stick the butter knife straight down into the tub/stick/etc because it bothers other family members of ours.

I mean, not that dinner at my house is something on your to do list. Although my husband does make a killer fried chicken!!

Rosie said...

I am with you on so much of this junk that clearly has no place in society! Thanks for waking me up with a chuckle!

R xx

Hannah said...

hahaha, you definitely speak out of my heart!

Sara Louise said...

Yep, I hate every single thing that you listed here too... except for the butter one, that one left me scratching my head a bit.

ruthy ann said...

omg...i just posted on my fb and twitter page about how much i hate captcha!!

Ali Mills said...

I can't definitely can't walk on a balance beam in heels! Therefore I don't wear heels hahahaha ;) Flats are my friends ;) Or maybe if I try a wedge??

AGREED on the captcha crap! Half the time I won't post my comment just cuz of that.....

Alex Butts said...

precisely why I avoid heels all but ~1x per year

Natasha Louise said...

Captcha! especially when you get it wrong by accident and have to do it all over again!! grrrrrrrrrrrrr... and heels, hehe, it is annoying but sometimes its worth the little giggle haha, so mean.

Niken said...

legging as pants, 100% annoys me. and CAPTCHA! HATE HATE HATE HATE IT!!!!

Kim @ wanderlustee.com said...

lmao. this is why you're my fave. i mean, favorite. oops! hahahah but i am totallly guilty of word-shortening. i have been doing it FOREVER. i remember being in west yellowstone with my bestie + her fam like 10 years ago (goddd im old) and making up shortened words for everything and then her mom asked if we wanted the 'blank' (for blanket) and we realized where we got it from.

true story: my friend and i shortened the word 'stupid' to 'stu' and started calling everyone 'stus'. and it actually caught on at our job and then somewhat at our grades in school. and we were like, yeahhh that's us!! sometimes i still refer to people as stus to felipe and he's like wtf are you talking about! hahah. isn't it obvious!?

also, i wouldnt hate the captcha as much except that it's always impossible to read! it takes me like 3 tries to get it! what in the world?!

Michelle said...

lol, I think captcha should be banned! so over it

amanda krystal said...

I absolutely love this post. Thank you for making me literally lol while sitting alone in Einstein's at school. :))

Brianna said...

Amen sister. Number 3 gets me the most.... along with socks with sandals, speedos, etc. God almighty, can't we figure out how to dress?!?!? I LOVE leggings (yep, just admitted that) but I agree - cover your arse, ladies!

Megan Wadsworth said...

You just made my entire morning... seriously.

Katrin said...

Haha, thanks for always making me laugh so much! And I can only agree: leggings are not pants. It drives me crazy. Really.
And Shane is awesome!

RadiantKristen said...

Crap Alyx... not only are you funny, but we have almost all of the same pet peeves! I made Ammon come read this at his computer too, so you have a real live male constituent today! He thinks you're funny.

Georgina Castellucci said...

She looks so cute and has such great ideas! I cosign most of the above grievances because well..those damn captchas & girls that have no business wearing heels :(

Sarah Kate said...

Hahahaha! Every single one of these is funny!!! And so true!!

Especially the microwave one. When I'm at a friends house, if the microwave does not have the time of day on it, I have to reset it. I'm even tempted to do this at people's houses that I'm NOT as close to, but I restrain myself. Being weird is one thing, but obsessive behaviors kind of freak new friends out. ;o)

Alana Christine said...

Those things annoy me too! Her blogger map was the best idea EVER!

Eve Myers said...

Sometimes I am definitely guilty of shortening whatever to whatevs...but it's mostly to be funny!

Women who can't walk in heels shouldn't be allowed to buy them!

Raych said...

1. I said 'punch a baby' once in public and people looked at me like I was a freaking monster.

2. I HATE those capcha (however the eff you spell it) thingys

3. People who can't walk in heels don't deserve to wear them.

4. You make me laugh like a bowl full of jelly (like actual jelly though, not short for jealous)

Krysten @ Why Girls Are Weird said...

Ugh... you're singing my song about people that don't do their jobs correctly. I had to bite my tongue like crazy on Sunday because this woman I work with totally broke several rules but because she's older and flighty my manager doesn't really reprimand her. Makes me SO MAD.

Motivated Madison said...

Sooooo... I totes say some of those shortened words. I also tend to add an 's' onto the end of words or some times even 'zorz' or various other sounds. I know, it's a bit ridiculouszorz.

Captchas in general are just awful. Once I came across a site that had a picture of a snowflake instead of the numbers. Not quite sure what they wanted for that one. An asterisk maybe?

Though I will admit to loving reality shows. I love me some drama. I don't want drama in my life, but I love to watch it unfold when it's not happening to me.

Whitney H said...

I agree with every single one of these!! The shortening of those words make you sound so silly. I may have been guilty of not doing my last correctly, but I hated it so I get a pass, right? :)

Libby said...

Can I add one to your list?!!
Girls who wear the tight little tube looking dresses and spend the night either lifting the top so their boobs dont pop out or pulling their skirt down so their tush dont show. C'mon Ladies, why spend the night fixing yourselves instead of enjoying yourselves. SMH

Anna said...

ugh. spot on with the list of shortened words. ('supes'?? really? and totes? that already HAS a meaning.) do people say that in real life? because they throw it around in blog-land ALL the time.

Brittany said...

I quite enjoyed this post. I agree I hate when people shorten words like that. HATE IT. Those captcha are annoying. I don't know if I have them on my blog though or not. I have tried numerous times to take it off and whenever I go back to check it says it is on :/ so idk

April said...

yes to #1 HATE HATE HATE it (although i do type def instead of definitely sometimes) #2, #4, #5, #6 and #7. Awesome list, made me smile this am, perfect start to my workday :)

Kym said...

That's a hilarious list and while I'm with you on some of them (seriously I HATE when people don't do their jobs or when some jackass -usually my boyfriend- leaves time on the microwave), I'm guilty of committing a few of them too. I shorten words...or at least I used to. My boyfriend despises it, and he effectively got me to stop saying "delish." Every now and then, I'll throw in a "scrump" instead, just to piss him off. And sometimes I say "coolio" but I guess that counts more as making a short word longer than the other way around. Oh, and sometimes my bf thinks I look silly walking in heels...so...don't go punching any babies on account of me, ok?

xo
Kym

Evani Gatsby said...

Womp womppp I'm totally guilty of #1, which in list format assumes that it's your top pet peeve! Oh well, can we still be friends? I'll try not to use them when I'm leaving you comments. I also hate the butter thing. I mean c'mon people. Who stabs butter?

Evani

chickenboo said...

I have a friend who likes to say punch a koala or a kitten, so your twist made me laugh.

I'm guilty of saying whatevs, but I think that's the only one I use. I tend to lean on the side of extending words HI-effing-larious, DEE-licious and so forth.

What annoys me more than people who don't do there job, when people don't do their job efficiently or customers who prevent an employee from doing their job.

And lastly...word verification...GAAAAAAAHHHH!!! *bangs head on wall*

rooth said...

Stupid evil captcha.. ruining our day

Zia Blue said...

just the name of this post made me laugh! and i TOTES agree with most of it ;) (sorry, couldn't resist!) whenever i see time on the microwave, i RUN to change it.

Kelly said...

Hahaha I would have to agree with most of these baby-punching-worthy annoyances. I hate when people can't do their jobs SOOO much. Also, the microwave time thing...UGH I HATE IT.

kaity said...

HOLY CRAP, the microwave thing bugs me SO FREAKING MUCH. like, all the capital letters in the world could not adequately express how much this bothers me. the girls with whom I got stuck rooming this summer were all so bad about this! it drove me crazy - I would gnash my teeth together and go punch to the end button on the microwave and then stomp to my room and slam the door. yeah. I'm a mature adult.

Whitney said...

@ #6. Amen. Amen. AMEN!!!

I seriously just got done writing a comment on a friends blog and had to type the stupid number/letter prove I am not a "robot" code seriously 4 different times. Grrrr. Hate these dang things.

Whitney
jasonandwhitneystowell.blogspot.com

natalie blair said...

"obvi" ... Add that to your list of shit that I'd punch a baby over. But not my babies if course ;) lol

Diana, Down Home Traveler said...

hahaha! that is hilarious! I'm right there with you on most of those!

Shane Prather said...

Soooo, this morning I was looking at my traffic sources for the day and noticed a whopping 25 referrals from Alyx. Never in a million years did I expect to pop over to your blog and find this sweet little gem. This MADE my week, thanks doll :)

Jay said...

I agree with almost every single one of these! On the first one, bee tee dubs is the most annoying one. My friend uses it instead of by the way and it drives me crazy! But every single one except 9 and 10 makes me want to punch babies too! The new Blogger captchas are the worst things ever! I swear about half of them don't have real numbers. And I love Shane; she's the best :)

Elsha Bodily said...

You never fail to crak me up :)

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