Tonight I Cried

Tonight... I cried.

I sat in Elsie's room, I held her, and I cried.
I cried because she's no longer a little baby.
I cried because we're leaving the house that I brought her home to.
I cried because my days with just her are numbered.
I cried because she won't always let me hold her this way.
I cried because I'm scared.

I'm scared that I won't love my little boy as much as I love my little girl.
I'm scared because we're leaving home.
I'm scared of what the future holds.
I'm scared because I worry.

I worry that my kids will grow up and grow apart.
I worry that things won't be okay.
I worry that I won't be the mom my kids need.
I worry about what the world is becoming.
I worry because I'm human.

photo by Cleo Creative Photography and Design

Of Course I'm Late.

Elsie turned one on Saturday!

I didn't want to do a big party or presents, so we just kept it small with only family and a few small gifts. Of course I had to do photos, so I'll just let those speak for themselves and give a little update at the end.

Stats: 18lbs 9oz, 30.75" tall

Dear Elsie,

Holy cow, I can't believe you're one already! The past year has just flown by. Since the last time I've written, there's not a whole lot that's different. You've got quite the vocabulary - it never ceases to amaze us.

You love dogs - I think it's safe to say they're your favorite animal, and I think I almost have your dad sold - you'll get your "doddy" soon enough.

You're crawling everywhere and into EVERYTHING! You want to walk so badly, but you're too afraid of falling (which is hilarious, by the way). You hate your veggies unless mom's eating them, then you want ALL THE FOOD!

I don't really have a whole lot to say - it's been so much fun for me to stay home with you for the past month. It has really just made me that much more confident in my decision to stay at home with you permanently, and I will do everything in my power to make sure that we have the means for me to do so. I love you more than anything, sweet monster baby!

Love,
Mommy

Mama + Baby Style

Happy Hump Day!!! 

And thank you to those of you who texted, emailed, and facebook messaged me after yesterday's post. It obviously helped me get out of my funk because I had a fabulous run yesterday. A little over five miles at about a 9:30/mile pace, which is great for me. That may seem slow to some people, but for me... it's a friggin' miracle. Ha! So anyway... thanks to all of you guys who continually support me!

So... Elsie and I brand reps/models for Trendy Tree House, and last week in the mail, we received this super fun shirts! They are just perfect and we love them so much. I've never really had any clothes that coordinated with Elsie's, so I was super excited about getting these shirts! You can find them here. 

10 Months!

This post is so late it's not even funny, but since I know I'm just not going to get around to taking Elsie's pictures for month ten, I'll just post it now.

Dear Elsie, 

You are getting so big and starting to look more like a toddler and less like a baby every day. You've also started to show off (and assert) your huge personality. You can throw temper tantrums like no other (not looking forward to the terrible two's), love to hear your own voice, and are a huge "people person." You're still long and skinny, wearing 12 month pants and leggings and 9-12 month onesies.

You crawl, stand with support, and "cruise" if you see something that you want. You're super talkative - you point to things and say, "dat," say, "dada," "ba-ba," "WOW," and occasionally "up" (although I think you go through phases with words - saying one all the time, then forgetting about it for a week or two and eventually coming back to it). You've said "mama" once or twice, but I haven't heard it since. We also JUST figured out that you've been saying, "uh-oh" for a couple of months now. We knew you were saying something, but we just didn't know what it was!

Anyway, you still LOVE to clap and sing, and you've started to wave. You "read" your books and love to drink from a straw. You hate veggies (it's like pulling teeth trying to get you to eat them), love smoothies, and freak out if we don't share our pizza with you. You need a haircut in the worst way, but I just can't bring myself to cut your cute little wispy hairs!!

There are days that you make me want to rip my hair out, but even at the end of one of those long, crappy days, I miss you once you're in bed for the night. I love you more and more with each passing day and am so happy that you're mine. You're the best, kiddo.

Love, 

Mom

Sunday confessions

Happy Sunday! 

... and happy General Conference weekend, too! Hope you all are getting some rest and enjoying time spent with family and friends.

1. I messed up on the no treats thing on Friday... and so I went alllllll the way. Mike brought me a donut for breakfast, so I ate it without thinking, then realized it was probably considered a treat. So... I ate a delicious slice of cake (770 calories of pure deliciousness) and a TON of candy. So much, in fact, that I will not be needing another cheat day anytime soon.

2. Umm... I peed on the side of the running trail yesterday. I probably should've gone to the bathroom before I left for an hour and a half of running, but let's just ignore that fact. Good thing I always bring tissues on my long runs. Anyway... don't worry - I don't think anyone saw me. I'm sure you're all busy clicking the "unfollow" button now. HA!

3. In the past two weeks, I have watched more television than any human ever should. Like, really. It's bad. Really bad. Recent favorites have been every season of Drop Dead Diva, the one season of Emily Owens, MD that's on Netflix, Call the Midwives, and, of course, Psych. 

4. I cried when Elsie figured out how to crawl. I know, it's pathetic. She's 10 months and most babies start to crawl between 5-7 months... so I had plenty of time to prepare for this, but I still was not ready to come to terms with the fact that she's growing up!

5. I hate doing dishes. With a passion. But then again, who likes doing them? No one sane, that's who!!!

What do you have to confess? 

9 Months Out!!

Howdy! 

Before I get into things, if you aren't already, could you please follow me on Instagram? Elsie is a finalist in a modeling contest, and I could really use you guys' help for her to win! AKA I'm begging for votes. Voting starts today (Monday).  

So Elsie turned 9 months last Monday, and, as usual, I've slacked on getting her update up. I meant to take her pictures on her 9 month bday, but, ya know, life got in the way.

So here's her little update and some mediocre photos (she wasn't being the most cooperative baby ever).

Dear Elsie, 

I say this all the time, but seriously - where the heck has the time gone? You are so fun, and your little personality grows and changes each and every day. You roll around and crawl backwards, and you have mommy pull you to standing up so that you can "walk" any chance you get. You can almost sit up from a laying position, but you need something to pull yourself up (I don't blame you - I can barely sit up from laying down).

You talk soooo much. Sure, it might be more incoherent than a drunk redneck, but you love to tell me all about your day. You still say, "Da-da," and you are really close to saying, "Mama." You say, "Ooh!" and you love to scream. We sometimes scream and squeal back and forth, and you really love that.

I know this is an old video, but you still love this game:
You throw temper tantrums when I take away your toys, you can drink out of a cup with minimal spillage, and you love to feed yourself crackers and baby cheese puffs. I've tried to let you feed yourself with a spoon, but you end up throwing the bowl and chewing on the spoon instead of eating the pureed food.

You've got 6 little teeth - the four top middle teeth just came in all at once, and that was no fun. They've all finally broken through, though, so hopefully you get a little bit of a break before your next teeth come in.

You fell off the couch for the first time this past month (I say first time because I know it probably won't be the last... sorry about that), and you slammed your head into a table leg last week. Personally, I think that's a pretty good ratio of number of accidents to time spent out of the womb. We should make a sign that says, "____ days accident free!" 

Anyway, you're still in size 2 diapers, 6 month Carters onesies and 9 month everyone else onesies. You wear 9-12 month leggings and pants, and those are getting too short, so I'd better get my sewing pants on and make you some stuff! You are still just as smiley and giggly as can be, and we love you more than anything!

Love, 

Mom. 

8 Months!

Hiii everybody! 

I'm sure you're probably all sick of the monthly updates, but I have to be honest and say... they're for me, not you all. I really don't want to forget anything!

So there will be the obligatory cute monthly photos sprinkled throughout the post, as usual.

Dear Elsie, 

You are, of course, as cute as ever. I just love your smiles and your laughter - they make every day a little easier.

You love to babble on and on and tell anyone and everyone what's on your mind. You're also a fan of the high-pitched scream... I'm not, though, so if you could kindly realize that it's no fun for mama's ears, I'd appreciate it. You still say "da-da," and it still melts our hearts every time.

You can almost clap and wave. It's so funny and cute when you try to do either one because you're not quite coordinated enough, but we enjoy watching you learn new things. You're still not quite into crawling, which I am TOTALLY okay with. Instead, you just roll from one side of the room to the other to get what you want. We're almost to the point where it would be wise to baby-proof.

You're too long for your baby car seat, so we have switched you to a convertible rear-facing seat. It definitely seems to be more comfortable for you, but it's kind of inconvenient when you fall asleep in the car.

You still wear size 2 diapers and are fitting 6-9 month clothing. The only brand you wear anymore is Carters, because everything else is for babies with a little more meat on their bones. I think you're perfect the way you are, baby chub or no baby chub. :)

We love you so very much, little monkey! You make our days a little brighter and fill our hearts with love. You are such a blessing and we are so glad we get to spend every day taking care of you!

Love, 

Mom

Elsie 5 Months

Hi Guys! 

So... this blog has been pretty neglected, but I guess that's what happens when you're a full-time mommy and grad student with a photography business on the side. Anyway... it's time for my monthly update on little miss Elsie. Yeah... sorry that almost all of my posts lately have been more for me than anyone else. I promise that if I can get a routine down, I will try to get into blogging a little more next semester.

Dear Elsie, 

At five months, you are still just a long, skinny thing. I'm not exactly sure how long you are or how much you weigh, but my guess would be that you're around 28 inches long and almost 14 lbs. You're wearing 3-6 month onesies and 0-3 month pants. You're getting close to moving into the 6 month onesies, but I get the feeling that it'll be a while till you fit 6 month pants.

I'm a little disappointed - I lost count of how many diapers you've gone through. I know, I know - I'm a failure of a mother.

You've now got TWO teeth! You're a bit of a grumpy pants when your teeth cut through, but can I blame you? No, not really - it seems like it totally sucks. You laugh at everything and are so, so alert. You talk constantly (just like mom), and it's so fun to have conversations with you.

You're a daddy's girl through and through, but you still have days where you just need your mom, and I'm totally okay with that. Your cuddles are rare, but when you give them, they instantly brighten my day and I feel like the luckiest person in the world.

We've tried solids a few times, but you don't really seem to be a fan. I think you just like secondhand ice cream and tacos WAY better than nasty mushed carrots or rice cereal. I can't blame you - I'm almost 25 and I still don't like carrots. They're icky.

Anyway, you're awesome and I love you lots. Keep on growing and learning, little monster!

Love, 

Mom

QUIT GROWING, DANGIT!

4 Month Stats: 

Length: 26 inches

Weight: 12 lbs 6.8 oz

Dear Elsie, 

You are such a smiley, happy little baby! I honestly don't know how I got so lucky. You've been rolling over from front to back for about three and a half weeks now, and you've started to try to army crawl. You know how to roll from your back to your tummy, but you have no desire whatsoever to do so. You love to blow spit bubbles, laugh your little belly laugh, and squeal at the top of your lungs. About a week ago, you discovered your little feet and grab onto them whenever you can. You've also discovered that you can manipulate mom and dad - way to go, smarty pants! 

You absolutely love music, and you sing. I know people think I'm crazy for saying that my 4-month-old baby can sing, but you can! You hum along when I play your favorite songs - I can't wait until you have words to put with your little hums. Dad is so excited for that, too, because he's convinced that you two are going to sing lots and lots of duets together. 

Other things you love: bath time, story time, and being outside. Oh, and bananas. But you don't get any more of those till you learn to like your veggies. 

We are working on teaching you German - so far I think you're doing great. I mean, you've already got all the growling and gagging sounds down... now you just need to combine those sounds with words and you're set! 

Anyway, you're pretty much the most amazing, most advanced baby ever. Obviously. 

As far as the ongoing diaper count is concerned, you have gone through 714, with another pack of 180 open and about halfway gone. You're in size 2's - your time in size 1's was short lived. I think you'll be in this size for a while, though. Oh, and you had your first massive blowout a few weeks ago. I mean, it was on the walls and everything. Pretty gross. 

So to sum it all up: you are smart, curious, lovely, funny, goofy, and perfect in every way. I don't think I could love you any more than I do if I tried. My heart is so full of love for you... it's the most amazing, phenomenal feeling knowing that you are mine. I am blessed to be your mama. I love you, Elsie Lyn. 

Love, 

Mom

Growing up is Hard to do

Yo, yo, yo!! 

Just to let you all know - this blog post is kind of a way for me to put off reading German lit. So... you should probably all just yell at me right now.

In other news... Elsie turned three months on Saturday! I seriously can't believe it's been that long already (I know, I know... I say that all. the. freaking. time.) So... here's a little letter to my little girl!

Dear Elsie bear, 

I still can't believe you're mine to keep forever (well, until some handsome dude decides to sweep you off your feet, but let's not talk about that). I look at you and I see a beautiful, smart, curious, and strong little girl. You're always so happy - I'm not really sure how I ended up so lucky. When I wake up in the morning, there you are, ready to greet me with a big, toothless grin. When I tell you I love you, you smile up and me and growl (I'm convinced it's Elsie-language for, "I love you, too, Mom"). When your dad and I sing to you, you look up at us with those big blue eyes of yours and start to coo along. I can't wait until that cooing becomes actual singing - if you're anything like your dad, you will have an amazing voice.

Every day I fall more and more in love with you. Sure, there are days where I wonder what the heck I'm doing, but for the most part, you and I make a pretty good team. I love absolutely everything about you, and I am so excited to watch you grow and progress. Part of me wishes you'd stay little forever, but then I wouldn't get the opportunity to teach you, and that would be pretty lame.

Elsie, you are the best thing that has ever happened to your daddy and I, and we thank God every day that He brought you into our lives. I love you, you little turkey!!

Love, 

Mom

Tweeeeners!

Happy Thursday! 

Almost through the week, HALLELUJAH! Actually, since I'm not working anymore, I guess it doesn't really matter to me. All I know is that, as the weeks pass, my little girl is slowly getting bigger and bigger, and I'm not sure how I feel about it. I mean, I love that she is growing up, but I hate it at the same time. AND I'm like, "Where the h-e-double hockey sticks have the last eight weeks gone?!" Life goes by a whole lot quicker these days.

Anyway, speaking of the little one, I found some pictures that do, in fact, prove that she looks like me! We are little twins. :)

Obviously she's cuter. :)

Elsie's big Day

Happy Wednesday!! 

As many of you know by now, I'm LDS (aka Mormon). For those of you that didn't know... SURPRISE, I'M MORMON!!! Now that we're all clear on that, I wanted to share some pictures from Elsie's blessing day (Sunday, June 9, 2013).

Before I share the pictures, I guess I could give a quick summary on what, exactly, a baby blessing is. In the LDS church, we do not baptize infants (the age of baptism in our church is 8 years and older. I'd tell you more about that, but that's a whole long post of its own), but we do bless them. Basically, this is a blessing where the child is given a name (officially) and a blessing for their life. It can be done at home or at church, but either way, it's a very special and sacred occasion, and family usually gathers for the event.

Elsie wore the same dress that I was blessed in - it was a little big on her, but I thought she was just perfect.

The booties are hand-made - my mom is amazing at crocheting, and she crocheted these little booties for Elsie the day before the blessing! I hope that these become a family heirloom, because they are absolutely beautiful.

We didn't really go crazy on Elsie's blessing day with a brunch or anything like that - we just kept it simple and hung out with our families.