Tonight I Cried

Tonight... I cried.

I sat in Elsie's room, I held her, and I cried.
I cried because she's no longer a little baby.
I cried because we're leaving the house that I brought her home to.
I cried because my days with just her are numbered.
I cried because she won't always let me hold her this way.
I cried because I'm scared.

I'm scared that I won't love my little boy as much as I love my little girl.
I'm scared because we're leaving home.
I'm scared of what the future holds.
I'm scared because I worry.

I worry that my kids will grow up and grow apart.
I worry that things won't be okay.
I worry that I won't be the mom my kids need.
I worry about what the world is becoming.
I worry because I'm human.

photo by Cleo Creative Photography and Design


Unknown said...

Love you!! You're an amazing mother and those kids will love you forever.

Amy G said...

BThaiful! Record your feelings like this for each of your children <3 You will treasure them.

I loved baby number five as much as number one. The capacity of our heart is amazing and, fortunately, it seems the more love we fill it with, the less other things matter. Things that really didn't need to be as important as they were. :)

My siblings and I are very close, enough that we still fight sometimes. Lol

As far as the world goes... I pray they are strong enough to be a light in the darkness.

Amy G said...

Beautiful!** No idea what happened there ;)

Anonymous said...

BECAUSE you worry, you are an amazing mother. I, too, worry about things I can do nothing about - and it drives me crazy!!!!! You are a beautiful lady inside & out and even though we do not know each other personally, I do know that you will be okay :)

Why Girls Are Weird said...

Oh Alyx this brought tears to my eyes! You are an AMAZING mother.

Mia @ The Chronicles of Chaos said...

Alyx, I was so happy to see that you posted! And what a beautiful post it is. I used to worry about the same thing when I was pregnant with my second - what if my heart can only give so much? But I promise you, you will be so consumed with love for both of them, you will look back and wonder why you were even worried. :) You're a great mama!

Genna said...

I'm not even a parent yet and I have these fears. It's hard and the struggle with not being enough is constant. I'll be thinking of you and praying for peace!

RadiantKristen said...

I have all of the things to say right now, but none of them seem right, except that I know that you are a truly exceptional woman, and that if you open yourself up to it, you have the capacity to do all things. Hang in there,sweet friend!

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