itsAlyx: Feet, Wedgies, and PDA

Q: What do those things have in common?

A: They all make me uncomfortable.

No, seriously. I'll go through my list (of three, not five... OCD Alyx is going insane right now) one by one.

1. Feet. Gross. Eww. Icky. Yuck. Disgusting. I. HATE. FEET! Nasty, smelly, icky, warty feet. I realize that some people have very... not nasty feet (because there is no such thing as a person having "nice" feet). You know what, though? Keep your not nasty feet to yourself, because if you start trying to play footsy with me, I am not responsible for the black eye that will result. Not only because feet make me uncomfortable, but because you and me playing footsy is just weird.

2. Wedgies. Ouch. Yuck. No fun. ... Is anyone looking at me now, because this is really uncomfortable. No? Great... ahh, so much better - oh, hi absolutely gorgeous man who just watched me pull my underwear out of my buttcrack! Am I the only one who has had multiple moments like this in my lifetime? I mean, not so much anymore, just because I've lost all shame, but when I was in high school and college, those wedgies were like a freaking curse. And they'd always happen at the most inconvenient time. It's like my undies knew when a perfect 10 was walking by. Anyway, they're uncomfortable - having them AND picking them. And we all know you can't have your wedgie and pick it, too. Bad joke? Absolutely. Moving on.

3. PDA. Blegh. Ugh. ICK! Guys. Call me old fashioned, but there are some things that are just meant to be private. Like making out. And shoving your tongues down each other's throats. When I was a lifeguard (long, long ago), I used to tell people, "I don't swim in your bed, so don't get all frisky in my pool!" For some reason they didn't really appreciate that, but, ya know, it worked. Mostly because I am really good at making people feel uncomfortable. Just like PDA makes me uncomfortable. BOOM.