Feet, Wedgies, and PDA

Q: What do those things have in common? 

A: They all make me uncomfortable.

No, seriously. I'll go through my list (of three, not five... OCD Alyx is going insane right now) one by one.

1. Feet. Gross. Eww. Icky. Yuck. Disgusting. I. HATE. FEET! Nasty, smelly, icky, warty feet. I realize that some people have very... not nasty feet (because there is no such thing as a person having "nice" feet). You know what, though? Keep your not nasty feet to yourself, because if you start trying to play footsy with me, I am not responsible for the black eye that will result. Not only because feet make me uncomfortable, but because you and me playing footsy is just weird.
2. Wedgies. Ouch. Yuck. No fun. ... Is anyone looking at me now, because this is really uncomfortable. No? Great... ahh, so much better - oh, hi absolutely gorgeous man who just watched me pull my underwear out of my buttcrack! Am I the only one who has had multiple moments like this in my lifetime? I mean, not so much anymore, just because I've lost all shame, but when I was in high school and college, those wedgies were like a freaking curse. And they'd always happen at the most inconvenient time. It's like my undies knew when a perfect 10 was walking by. Anyway, they're uncomfortable - having them AND picking them. And we all know you can't have your wedgie and pick it, too. Bad joke? Absolutely. Moving on.

3. PDA. Blegh. Ugh. ICK! Guys. Call me old fashioned, but there are some things that are just meant to be private. Like making out. And shoving your tongues down each other's throats. When I was a lifeguard (long, long ago), I used to tell people, "I don't swim in your bed, so don't get all frisky in my pool!" For some reason they didn't really appreciate that, but, ya know, it worked. Mostly because I am really good at making people feel uncomfortable. Just like PDA makes me uncomfortable. BOOM.
So that's it.

What makes you uncomfortable? Green beans? Fish? Sunshine? Tell the whole world, and link up with Jenni!


Rosie said...

Best lifeguard comment ever!! I get pretty freaked out by feet too....mainly the soles though. Um...what else....oh I suppose you can add really short men to my list....and by really short I mean shorter than tiny me, not you. If I were tall walking around would terrify me!!

Katrin said...

I don't like feet either. Pfui. And onions.

Kelly said...

BAHAHAHAH. You can't have your wedgie and pick it too. I love bad jokes and this was wonderful. :)

Zoe said...

feet, wedgies, pdas how did I miss all of those on my list? This is shaping up to be a day full of the willies.

Ashley W said...

Stopping by from the storyofmylife linkup! Feet make me SUPER uncomfortable as well -- especially in public! I even hate looking at other people's feet when they're bare at the nail salon... you're definitely not alone in this!!

Alana Christine said...

hahahahaha. PDA was on my list, too!

Shane Prather said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Lourdes said...

All three of these made my list :)

XO Lourdes

ifs ands Butts said...

pahahaha I so would have beent aht dumb teenager making out in the pool and I would have gotten REAL awkward when you said that. Glad that phase is over, sheeesh

Elsha said...

Your pool comment made me laugh so hard I pee'd a little. You'd think I was the pregnant one;)

Bri Buzali said...

I've been out of the loop for a bit but I'm glad to be back because your post made me crack up! I hate PDA too, especially when couples sit at the same side of the booth at dinner and make out the whole time! UGH!

Krysten @ Why Girls Are Weird said...

The word moist makes me uncomfortable!

Sarah Shumate said...

I have the exact same phobia! The feet one, I mean. If anyone's bare foot so much as grazes me, you'd think I'd just been shot! Disgusting.

Deidre said...

So many things make me uncomfortable it might be impossible for me even to begin to list them.
- food in the sink...EW!
- eggs.
- the texture of bananas.

oh no wait, look I could list them.

Genna said...

I hate feet, too! For the last five years I've been a lifeguard and it is absolutely RIDICULOUS how many people get creepy in a pool. No thanks!

Kim @ Slice of Life said...

i used to hate feet too! i definitely don't love them now, but its not at the same level it used to be! and instense displays of PDA are also really awkward!!

Whitney said...

Don't be ashamed about picking your wedgie! I do it proudly. Everyone has had one in their lifetime.

I probably shouldn't have admitted that on the internet....

Sara Louise said...

I hate feet. Hate them. I don't even like my own feet! I think we should all have Barbie Doll feet.

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