Wedgies = Weapons of Mass Destruction

UGH. Today. Let me start with where it all went wrong. Side note: Nikki, if you're reading this, HI! I can't reply to your comments and I feel bad about that! :)

The moment my alarm went off at 7:45 am (yes, my kids sleep in past 8:00... sleep training works, people).

I got up, got myself ready, and then went in to wake up my sleeping monster devil child daughter. At first, it was great - she got out of bed, happy to be starting her day. She was pumped and excited for school. But then I did a horrible, terrible, no good, very bad thing.

I made her put on pants. 
It started with a whine, "But mom, there's wedgies in my pants!!"

Fine. I did what any loving mother would do - I picked my kid's underwear out of her butt.

"THERE'S STILL WEDGIES!!! I HATE THESE PANTS!!! STUPID PANTS!!!" as she rips them off and throws them against the wall. 
Okay, okay - so I got her another pair of pants, and it was like the freakin' twilight zone as she started screaming AGAIN.


I sighed, trying to keep my patience, and through gritted teeth in a not very nice voice, "It's not the pants, let's try a different pair of underwear, okay, sweetie?" In my mind I was thinking, Ohmyfreakinggosh I am going to kill someone. I wish I drank wine. Why are three-year-olds so damn crazy?!

We got her some new underwear and put her pants back on. Nope. Not happening. This time the screaming reached levels of epic proportions. Poor Callum was just sitting there watching everything go down, no doubt thinking, Women are psycho. Girls are psycho. I'm moving out as soon as I can wipe my own butt.

By this point, Elsie was lying on the floor of the bathroom, butt-naked, screaming something along the lines of "I JUST HATE WEDGIES, THEY ARE LITTLE MONSTERS IN MY UNDERWEAR MAKING MY BUTT ALL ITCHY. WEDGIES ARE SO DUMB, MY PANTS HAVE SO MANY WEDGIES! I DON'T WANT TO GO TO SCHOOL!!!"

I did what any mom would do at that point and stormed downstairs, got one of her Christmas presents, and threw it away (AKA the trunk of the car, not to be seen again until her birthday), all the while noting my every move in a very loud, "I just escaped from the psych ward" voice.

Let's just say that that certainly didn't help matters and, to put it nicely, s*** hit the fan and my kid went crazy. She proceeded to teepee the bathroom, throw all her clothes, and shriek like a banshee the whole time. That takes talent and dedication, you know.

Eventually everything got straightened out, my kid settled on a swimsuit for her day's wardrobe, and I decided two kids is more than enough.
Moral of the story: Wedgies ruin EVERYTHING.


Nikki Prša - Speak at Home Tonight said...

Hi!!!! :) I think I fixed it?!! Hopefully I'm no longer a no-reply blogger! <3

aki! said...

I feel like as a kid, I have never had this problem... Or have heard of anyone with this problem.

7% Solution

rooth said...

"I hate EVERYTHING and all my clothes are GROSS" - darling I can relate. You poor things (both of you)

Meiqing Xu said...

ralph lauren sale clearance
cheap oakleys
michael kors outlet clearance
coach outlet
toms shoes outlet
gucci outlet
birkenstock sandals
kate spade
cheap jordans
fit flops

chenmeinv0 said...

michael kors outlet clearance
adidas trainers uk
michael kors outlet online sale
nike outlet store
mont blanc mountain pen
louis vuitton outlet
fitflop sandals
mont blanc pens
oakley vault
louboutin pas cher

千禧 Xu said...

adidas nmd r1
rolex replica
baltimore ravens jerseys
golden state warriors jerseys
packers jerseys
michael kors outlet online
armani exchange
hugo boss sale
fitflops sale clearance
49ers jersey

chansara said...

Awesome occupation for distributed such an advantageous site. Your web log isn't just helpful yet it is moreover truly inventive as well. There have a tendency to be relatively few individuals who can positively compose not all that straightforward posts that masterfully. Proceed with the decent written work Combat Firearms Training

adidas nmd said...

gucci outlet
michael kors outlet
ugg outlet
ralph lauren
ugg outlet
cleveland cavaliers jersey
true religion jeans
michael kors outlet
michael kors outlet

ninest123 said...

polo ralph lauren outlet
air jordan uk
coach outlet
oakley sunglasses
replica watches
coach factory outlet
yeezy boost 350
michael kors outlet online
swarovski jewellery

alice asd said...

michael kors
vikings jerseys
michael kors bags
rolex replica watches
cheap ugg boots
michael kors outlet online
mbt shoes clearance outlet
polo ralph lauren
new balance sneakers

1111141414 said...

tom ford glasses
kobe 11
nike lebron 14
adidas nmd
kobe bryant shoes
jordans for cheap
basketball shoes
air max
pandora bracelet
longchamp le pliage

郑佳颖 said...

adidas stan smith
nike air force 1 high
real jordans
hogan outlet online
cartier love bracelet
longchamp le pliage
true religion outlet
pandora jewelry
jordan shoes
michael kors outlet

aaa kitty20101122 said...

yeezy boost 350 v2
links of london sale
adidas nmd
hogan outlet
golden goose
adidas tubular
louboutin shoes
jordan shoes
lebron james shoes

raybanoutlet001 said...

longchamp outlet
coach outlet
cheap basketball shoes
coach outlet store online
yeezy boost 350 white
snapbacks wholesale
michael kors handbags
ugg outlet
eagles jerseys
ugg outlet

郑佳颖 said...

golden goose
lacoste outlet
air max 90
nike air zoom
adidas tubular UK
curry 3
air jordan
prada eyeglasses
michael kors
longchamp bags

raybanoutlet001 said...

nike outlet store
nhl jerseys
kate spade outlet
mont blanc pens
cheap ray bans
falcons jersey
prada outlet
green bay packers jerseys
replica watches
instyler max

jeje said...

adidas ultra boost
adidas neo
jordan 13
balenciaga shoes
yeezy boost
air jordan 6
michael kors outlet online
huarache shoes
dior sunglasses
adidas gazelle sale

raybanoutlet001 said...

nike outlet
uggs outlet
skechers outlet
browns jerseys
coach outlet
kate spade handbags
carolina jerseys
cheap ray bans
michael kors handbags
pandora outlet

adidas nmd said...

cheap oakley sunglasses
instyler max 2
coach outlet
coach outlet store online
cincinnati bengals jerseys
minnesota vikings jerseys
air jordan 4
coach outlet
los angeles lakers jerseys
pandora jewelry